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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP seems to be bringing up getting engaged and marriage a lot....

31 replies

frazzledmummy66 · 19/12/2017 20:28

I'm 32 with DS1 and DS2. Have been engaged 3 times but never married.

DP is nearly 40, no kids. 2 long term relationships (one 8 years) but no marriage or even engagements. To be quite honest I thought he was against marriage.

Recently we had a couple of serious talks about what we wanted and agreed that we're both smitten and can see a future together and ideally we'd like to settle down reasonably soon. I can honestly say he's the love of my life. We've both been really hurt and had basically given up ever finding someone until we stumbled across each other. I really feel like he's my soul mate and my best friend. I've never felt like this about anyone before and he says the same about me. He's great with my children and they really like him too.

In the last 10 days he has discussed/joked about marriage or getting engaged 4 times which I'm confused by as i've never had a guy do this before. Plus I thought he was anti marriage.

Last Saturday: I've been helping my friend's boyfriend to design her engagement ring and I had 6 fake/costume rings on my kitchen window sill. DP found them and said "wow look at all your rings" and started looking through them. I explained what they were for. He starts going through them saying no/yes etc and asked which one I liked most. I explained I didn't like any of them so he then asked me specifically what I'd like. We ended up going through ring photos on his phone where he was constantly making suggestions "how about amethysts around a diamond?" Etc

This Sunday: my ex was over giving me a bit of grief over our DS. I was messaging DP telling him what was happening. DP joked to me to tell my ex that I was getting engaged to him. I joked back saying my ex would say that DP was cheap because I didn't have a ring. DP replied saying "good point".

Yesterday: DP was joking that he only has eyes for one person. I cheekily replied "who's that?!" And he jokingly replied someone he'd met on the train and then said "we're getting married" I replied saying I hope he'd gotten her a ring. He then sent me photos of some rings and when I said they were horrible he'd send more. Really felt like he was sounding me out as he was sending ones based on things I like. I then took a gamble and sent him a picture of my dream ring. He said he liked the one I sent and said it was the nicest. He then said "I'm very happy I met you" He then asked how much the ring was and was concerned that it was very cheap. He said that a guy is supposed to spend 3 months salary on the ring. I said I'd be horrified to wear something so expensive so he jokingly said "ok I'll invest the rest of the money"

Tonight he's randomly told me that although he's not been engaged or married he's "not opposed to it at all". Came out of nowhere. It was like he had to make it clear to me. I explained that I'm not opposed to it either but then I've just dated jerks before hence not making it down the aisle.

I'm trying not to read much into it. Obviously I guess I'm hoping he's planning on popping the question but don't want to get my hopes up. Just seems like unusual behaviour for a guy to joke about this kind of thing.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Pinkitis · 19/12/2017 20:32

We'll he not being very subtle about it is he? Sounds like he is going to propose over Christmas.

lilathewerewolf · 19/12/2017 20:32

How long have you guys been together? From what you've written It certainly sounds like he's thinking about proposing

FoofFighter · 19/12/2017 20:33

He's going to propose. Probably on xmas day or NYE

donajimena · 19/12/2017 20:34

Well he's certainly dropping a lot of hints! Too many maybe? My cynical side says he could be dangling a carrot (I've had this before);he could however be sounding you out.
With Mr Carrot Dangler I told him to stop or get on with it. Yes.. I know I could have proposed to him but I am glad I didn't because he was an arse in the end.
I hope you get the outcome you want but I'd expect it to be soon or he's just talking bollocks.

Be3Al2SiO36 · 19/12/2017 20:38

Why ask???

Just experience it. Your way. Not our way.

That's what it is all about. Ditch the social networking.

Geillis · 19/12/2017 20:41

@Be3Al2SiO36 why are you on MN? Just get on with your life and ditch social media. 🙄

Geillis · 19/12/2017 20:43

OP I hope you get your proposal and you let us know 😁

alphajuliet123 · 19/12/2017 20:50

Eeeeeek, defo sounds like he's going to propose!! You HAVE to come back and tell us!

MrsExpo · 19/12/2017 20:53

Any “special” nights out (or in!) planned OP? Good luck ..... Smile

frazzledmummy66 · 19/12/2017 20:55

Oh my god! I thought maybe I was reading too much into it Grin

He is the kind of guy that he'd really worry about getting it right.

I think Christmas and NYE might be too soon. He said today that he was stressing about running out of time to get everything in time for Christmas. He has asked us to go to Singapore with him next year though so maybe then.

OP posts:
CommanderDaisy · 19/12/2017 21:15

Just me but I find his behaviour pretty sweet, in a kind of hopeless way.
I think there a..... er.......fairly strong possibility he's ring shopping and planning to propose. And he wants to get it right and is testing the waters to gage how you'll react.
If that's what you would like, I'm happy for you. You could make it easy for him and somehow ( no suggestions here for this ) show him rings you like?
Good luck!

JessieMcJessie · 19/12/2017 21:21

How long have you been together?

Ellisandra · 19/12/2017 21:33

I think you've not been together very long? I'm guessing you don't live together if you're still at the talking about what you want stage! I got engaged really quickly, so no criticism from me on speed of that part - but be careful about rushing things that actually matter, like cohabiting and marriage.

You said you've had a discussion about where you see this going, and that you both want to "settle down" - does that mean you already discussed marriage?

loveyoutothemoon · 19/12/2017 21:43

He's dropping that many hints I'd be very surprised if he didn't ask you! He's testing the water, making sure it's what you want and so he can get the perfect ring for you!

NotTheFordType · 19/12/2017 22:50

Yeah he'll probably propose at Xmas. In front of all his family so you can't say "hey what about your habit of banging other people?"

Then give it a couple of months of you saying "hey babe my purse is shut because I lost a contract, please step up"

He'll be onto the next meal ticket without a thought...

Ellisandra · 19/12/2017 22:56

Uh? Did I miss a huge back story?!

mummmy2017 · 19/12/2017 23:00

Think your OH wants to marry you congratulations.

He seems like a nice guy.

phoenix1973 · 19/12/2017 23:01

Lovely. Lucky you 😀

coalit · 19/12/2017 23:04

NotTheFordType, are you on the wrong thread? or are you on the Gin

Lookatyourwatchnow · 19/12/2017 23:09

He is definitely and very blatantly planning to propose to you.

Littlelambpeep · 19/12/2017 23:15

It's going to happen within the next fortnight.

Dh said something about getting married and it happened the next day.

HappyGirl86 · 19/12/2017 23:19

Oh he's definitely planning to propose! Bless him for trying to ask you exactly which ring you want though!
How long have you been together?
Sounds like some exciting times ahead! I bet he'll propose Christmas Day!

hellsbellsmelons · 20/12/2017 09:38

Looks like he is planning something.
I'm not placemarking - honest!

category12 · 20/12/2017 09:49

Since it's mumsnet, I'm betting he's just leading you on and he'll probably start taking you to jewelry shops every other weekend for the next nine years. Wink

bigtissue · 20/12/2017 10:28

You haven't said whether you think marriage is right for you though.