FIL

[jenk1]

yes im ranting about him again.
i cannot stand the man, he never supported DH last year over him going to the police about the abuse from his uncle and since then hasnt been to visit us more than twice.
he came up 4 weeks ago but that was because we have moved, he doesnt ring but then gets annoyed when DH does, eg, he rang the other night "why havent you phoned, what do you know, are the kids ok" so DH says erm well DD,s not so good she,s been unwell and she,s having a CF test tomorrow,"
"oh right, well phone me later in the week and dont FORGET"
DH hasnt phoned.
Has FIL phoned to see how DD got on and it was DD,s birthday last friday, no phonecall, visit, nothing, now that doesnt bother me as i am JW, but DH isnt and i know he,s bothered.
FIL acting very very strange, cant work him out, he,s obsessed with the youngest grandchild, always offering to babysit, running around after him, i feel very uneasy.

why is he punishing DH though?

On a more positive note, DH starts his recovery counselling next week, we have had to go private, but its a psychologist who specialises in working with adult survivors, DH wants me to go to the first one, not sure if thats right but i will go as he wants me to.

right rant over.

that should read he gets annoyed when DH doesnt phone him.

I've read some of your other threads but never posted but so glad to hear that your DH is starting counselling. You have coped with so much and provided support to your DH and it's sad that his own father can't do the same

What is making you uneasy?

Am also struck by the 'uneasy' comment.

I only vaguely know your story, but am v glad your dh is getting some counselling.

Isn't part of being a parent believing and supporting your kids?

I would avoid the man, really.

the way he is with the youngest grandchild.
he,s obsessed with him and the grandchild is very clingy to him, he,s not his biological grandfather but he,d rather stay in and babysit and he wont go anywhere without him.(the grandchild)

DH says he was like that with his youngest brother until he was about 9/10 and the same with him when he was younger and then when he was 9/10 he became aggressive towards him.

can you see what im getting at?
dont want to say it on here.
i could be very wrong which i hope i am but i dont think so, especially after last year when he tried his best to get DH to stop his complaint against the uncle and even said "he might have just been experimenting"
what sort of father says that to his own son?

i thought that was what you were trying to say I'm a bit confused, is the youngest grandchild your DS?

oh i do avoid the man, like the plague, ive told DH over my dead body does he take my 2 down there again.
we have a very good excuse cos they are all heavy smokers down there and DD has bad asthma.

ive told him i will leave him with the kids if i find out he,s taken them down there, but i dont think he will cos he said "Jenk ive been avoiding my father since i met you, you just couldnt see it" which is true, he,s never wanted to go down there or phone, it was me who used to tell him that its important to stay close to your family and tell him to ring/go down which is before i knew about his uncle and the way his dad reacted.

No no no, the younges isnt my DS, he,s the DS of FIL,s girlfriends son, so he,s like the step-grandchild, if thats what you would call him im not sure what the correct term is, hope ive not offended anyone by the term

Jenk1, I would always trust your instincts because they are usually right.

my counsellor practically screamed in my face the other month when i told her about what has gone on in DH,s family "DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN NEAR FIL OR ANY OTHER ADULT DOWN THERE"

I dont and wont.

Yes you're doing the right thing by staying away.

What an awful position to be in. Are the rest of the family, FIL's girlfriend's son and DP aware of whats has happened?

I see what you're getting at and assuming the uncle is the brother of your FIL I'm sad for you all.

Well done to your dh for his bravery in reporting this, though. Clearly 100 times the man his father is.

I think the best thing is to cut off all contact with him.

yes, none of them phone DH, his sister and brothers dont bother, he,s been cast off virtually.

its DH,s fault you see for bringing it up "what did you have to go to the XXXXXXX police for" his dad and sister said last year.

they think its adorable the way FIL and grandchild are with each other, i think not.

yes the uncle is the brother of FIL, and they socialise together and visit each others houses, he was even talking about the uncle last time he was here, he saw my face and shut up.

DH says he,s not in the place to tell his dad to shut up yet, oh but i am

The whole situation is so sad jenk

So the mum of grandchild knows and isn't a bit wary about the attention that he is paying to him?

no, but she,s off her head most of the time on goodness knows what, and she owes FIL a few hundred quid and he,s let her off, he wont usually let anyone off £1.