money and sahms

[Pelagia21]

Can i ask any sahms how do you manage money with your partner? Do you call it his money if he earns it? Or "our money"? Do you just spend what you want? How do you feel about money and the fact that you dont contribute financially? And what happens if you go overdrawn?! Rows about money?

All money in one pot. Both with equal access, both know what has to come out etc. No 'his money' or 'my money'. No rows about money. To be fair it has been like that for many years- long before I gave up work!

I don’t believe in joint accounts. We budget for household bills and the remainder is divided equally and goes into our personal accounts.

This way we don’t have to keep tabs on our spending or ask the other if we want to make a purchase.

This way we know it’s fair and there’s no arguments about money. It’s perfect for us

I was a SAHM although I was also WFH but not earning what I earned pre kids. I was a SAHM for 8 years.
We would regularly row about money. Prior to being at home I was the main breadwinner but he didn't want to look after twins. It was "our money, but he was squirreling away money each month for a good couple of years behind my back. He pretended he wasn't earning the bonuses and the overtime it now transpires.

Turns out he left me for OW.

I was low earning as a SAHM/WFH business. It was hard, but I had to go back to work. I wanted to, but it was soul destroying being rejected so many times. I now have a really rewarding job but the pay is rubbish but it's flexible around my kids. I am now financially independent.

I don't regret the time I spent with my twins. Not only financially, it would have cost me a fortune in childcare. But I got the very best of seeing them grow up and we have an amazing bond.

See this is something I really struggle with.
I resigned from my job in csa last Aug after being off sick. I'd been renting a chair in a salon from a year before that on days I wasn't in office .
It's taking me a while to build a good client base as not from this area.
So I'm not earning much just now. Dp also has own, well established and successful business. Earns waaay more than me.
There's always money in the house to get whatever is needed for house/ds etc but I would never take money for myself as I still see it as his.
Due to being preg and having hg I've not been anywhere near as busy at work so now relying on him more for money. I fucking hate it tbh.
Hes currently covering all housebills mortgage groceries etc, i feel like I'm on the back foot the whole time. I do everything in the home alongside my salon hours so thats my 'contribution' for now.
Dp really good to me, since I quit anytime I need new clothes hes either handed me couple hundred or said to take it and go shopping. Now and then hands me 100 quid 'that's yours to spend, it's not for house stuff'.
I don't know why but it makes me feel shit.
Bothering me more this last couple weeks since I've realised how soon mat leave will come round and I'm completely dependant on him again.

Very similar to Joysmum, although neither of us really spend what we want as we are saving hard.

When I first gave up work it felt weird not making a financial contribution, but it was very much a joint decision and DH is very good at recognising and reminding me of the benefits of me being at home when I'm feeling guilty.

It's firmly 'our' money.

Now and then hands me 100 quid 'that's yours to spend, it's not for house stuff'.
I don't know why but it makes me feel shit.
That would make me feel shit too. Because it's patronising and controlling.
If you're together lt, esp with kids, you're a team, access to money should be equal and looking after dc/house is a fair contribution to this. Ppl would get pulled up on patronising someone just because they earned less money than themselves, I don't see how this is any different.
I may have my complaints, but it's been fully joint money/bills all the way for us, whether I've been working or sahm.

I'd feel shit too, being handed £100 like a child receiving their pocket money
No thanks - I'll choose to take £50 or £150 myself, and no patronising crap about what I'm to spend it on either.

We have always shared all our money so it makes no difference now one of us is being paid to work and the other is saving us money on childcare for 3 young children and a cleaner. I suppose it might feel strange if you have always guarded your 'own' money from each other.

I volunteered to be the one in charge of the money because I'd have more time as I was at home. I worked out how much we spent on everything per month .When his money came in I set up automatic payments to go into a bills account where all the essential costs would be taken from during the year. Then I had another account called ' groceries' which we both had a bank card for though I did the main shop.
I did sit down with him and explain where the money was going and we both realised we had to change a lot of habits to be able to live on one income. Give up gym. Give up buying non essentials.
I think I was conscious that it was his money and was careful not to waste it eg. No takeaway coffees, no books, make up , magazines but I really wanted to be a Sahm until school started so I could live with it.
It helped that my partner is not interested in finances and tends to ignore it.

It’s very much our money. With every pay check we take out the money needed for bills, mortgage etc and put that into a separate account (we have a spreadsheet of all of our bills and a calculated total). Then we put another chunk into savings. Then whatever is left is both of our money to spend. Most of what’s left goes on to groceries, days out, eating out etc. But we still see it as our money. We personally don’t understand how couples make it work when there’s such an uneven balance with access to funds. We made a mutual decision that I would stay at home to raise our daughter and I would be completely miserable if I had to run every penny past my husband. Nor would my husband ever want me to do that.

When I was a SAHM all money was completely shared. We didn’t have a joint account but I had full access to the savings account and could draw out of it whenever I needed to. We both thought of it as “our” money.

I was a SAHM for years. It's "our" money and we have accounts together. I take a set amount out each week for my own spending money and don't need to account for it. We budget for household things and reoccurring things (like my hair!), discuss anything beyond that.

In the early days we had some fights because it took us a bit to work out how to manage the money together. We ended up getting one credit card that is only used for household things, and then we pay it each month. That way we never go over drawn, which was a problem when we were both taking money out of the account but forgetting to tell the other.

I've sacrificed so much other the years for my DH's career that I don't have any trouble spending money.

When mum was a sahm, she would just ask for money whenever she wanted it and dad would give it to her no questions asked unless there was a danger going overdrawn etc. I remember a few times her asking for the whole weekly pay check and he gave it to her minus the £10-20 he needed for his bus fare.

fitbit
I have access to money at anytime and don't need to ask for it or wait for him to hand me money. I'm just used to having my own money from working etc. Im Struggling with the concept of 'our money' at the min.

We're retired now but have always had a joint bank account which we both considered was 'family' income. Before we had the DC my DH earned twice my salary, after the DC came along I was a SAHM for 10 years although ultimately we were both earning similar amounts for the 10/15 years before we retired and now have very similar pensions. We both felt that during the SAHM period my contribution was practical rather than financial, and it never caused any friction.

DH is a SAHD. We have a joint account, the money in it is as much his as it is mine. It works fine for us, luckily we have a similar attitude towards money.

Nope, no 'our' money here. If that was the case, my husband would spend both if our wages in two days! We both work, he gives me half of the cost of bills. I don't care what he does with the rest and I don't report to him about what I do with mine.

Salary paid into DH account. He transfers a set amount into our joint bills account to pay the direct debits for the mortgage and all household bills and car expenses. He pays a regular sum into a savings account to pay for unexpected expenses ( essential repairs to the house or car etc)

Transfers other money into long term investment accounts.

A monthly standing order transfers enough to my account to cover food shopping, clothes etc. for me and the kids , mine and the kids' social lives and the kids' clubs and school related expenses ( swimming , trips etc.)

He keeps a little bit in his account each month for his own personal social life and clothing/ hobbies.

Works for us. I've been a SAHM for 11 years now.

All money goes into one pot. Each has access to it as required. I look after all the bills. We joke that when it comes to money we each have defined roles - He earns it and I spend it

My ex (a SAHM) never wanted any financial responsibility and was pretty happy to leave it entirely up to me to manage... We had separate accounts, she got the CB/Tax credits and used that for buying herself and the kids clothes and a whatever other bits and bobs she fancied, I paid for everything else.

We were both perfectly happy with the arrangement, but I now realise it's far from the norm on here

Money transfered each month to 1 joint account to cover all bills/mortgage and anything to with the family.

Then the balance is split equally into our own accounts. This isnt deemed as family money and we can each spend as wisely or as frivolously as we wish.