To those that have ended a long term relationship/marriiage..

[BettyBo33]

What was your tipping point? When did you think I'm done..and mean it. And stick to it. What were your circumstances? I've been with H 13 years and married for 7. We have 3 DC under 13. 15 months ago I discovered he was having an EA that had just begun to be physical. Anyway...I'm a strong cookie and have come through it and tbh if it was only this I thought we could work through it. I feel fulfilled in work and with my kids and my friendships. But the hole between us is getting bigger than smaller and I find myself thinking of my life without him. There is just a void I suppose from him cheating and this in turn has stirred up other problems that had been compromised or overlooked before. Now I know what I want and I know I can't have the things I want with him. Examples include our relationship being quite one way- il give him a massage- I don't get one back. Ever. Our sex life was always amazing and he's gone off that in recent months so I don't feel as wanted. When we have sex it's not intimate. I still think of him banging her. He is rubbish at tidying up after himself- I literally despair over it. He has very strong views about everything and takes it personally if I don't agree. He won't wear his wedding ring.I do love him still but I no longer care like I did. Like I said before bear thins I let go have now come to the surface.We argued at the weekend and I don't care. Then a few days later we go back to trying but it will always happen again. We have always been very different people and got married young but our differences are now more in our way then ever.

Posted before I had finished! We keep coming so close to splitting, sometimes even agreeing to it, but then never following through.

When he started verbally abusing the children. The drawbridge came down and never went back up.

That's the short story. The longer one is a catalogue of him cheating, being violent (to me), he was a lazy drink-driving wanker (he's on his third ban at the moment), and I thought we should plough on. With him, alas, for about the same time as you with yours.

Anyway, I kicked him out over four years ago, but it took me about two years whilst still in the relationship to get to that stage.

My life is my own, my dc are happy and steady (he's not bothered with them at all for the last three years), and I am at peace.

it sounds like he has totally checked out of the marriage, but doesnt want to do anything about it and is just waiting for you to make the move. Treating you with no respect and having an affair and not wearing the wedding ring.
I suspect he is a coward and doesnt want to be the bad guy.

When it became clear that he was having an affair. At the time all I had was our daughter's word about a suspicious text message she'd seen. But it was the latest in a big line of signs that made it obvious he must be having an affair. When I got clear evidence later it just sped up the process.

It wasn't just the affair, it was the way he was treating us, though, with total contempt and disrespect for our feelings. Sitting with his back to us, coming home in the middle of the night, no longer looking me in the eye, not joining in conversation.

Like you, it always felt like it was me making the effort. I'd always offer a massage, a cup of tea, cook a nice meal, take the dog out, be the one not to do something fun because one of us had to look after the kids. He never showed any thanks or did any little things in return. I always felt kind of greedy wishing he would.

Yesterday I got coffee in bed and a cooked breakfast. It was nice.