Feel so ashamed and worried

[Ilovecrumpets]

My husband told me 6 weeks ago that he thought he wanted to separate - then confirmed he did two weeks later whilst admitting there had been someone else. He is currently staying in the attic with the intention of moving out post Xmas. We have 2 DC 3 and 5.

Obviously I was devastated but have been holding it together relatively ok. I’ve been very civil with him.

Today is my little ones bday. I went out with a friend last night and had 3 small glasses of wine. I don’t know why ( maybe the stress/ not eating) but I was really badly sick all last night - like I haven’t been in a very very long time. Husband heard me and came in and brought a bucket.

I feel so ashamed and worried he will use this against me. He had agreed to look after the kids so I wasn’t in charge. I can’t believe I did it before my son’s birthday so I feel ill this morning and I will also have to miss work. I feel so awful and now I think my husband has this against me. I am always the sensible one, I never get drunk. Obviously I won’t be drinking again.

I am doing a birthday tea for my son this evening. I feel like I’ve let him down too.

He somehow always seems to be able to make out that everything he does is reasonable - and I’m the crazy one if I react in any way.

My ex-H was and is like this. It fucking reduces you. I have achieved so much in the three years since we split (Christmas time too, so I know it’s hard).

He needs to get over the idea of babysitting his own kids and take some responsibility. Let him go to the OW, kick him out. I have a feeling you’ll blossom x

I'm baffled by your shame - you haven't done anything wrong

Thanks everyone

maiden don’t tempt me

Happy birthday to your little one.

You've done nothing wrong op. Last week I was out and drank wine on an empty stomach and I can't remember getting home!

Your husband is a cunt and you have done nothing wrong. I would be doing a lot more than getting a bit drunk on a few glasses of wine in your situation

He doesn't have the moral high ground. What he has done places him lower than low and don't let him imply anything different

I hope you are not cooking, cleaning or laundering for him

No Any I’m not!

If it wasn’t for the kids I would have chucked him out or moved out myself.

When is he moving out?

It's not right that you should feel like he is judging you and watching you in your own home. You're not together any more aged you're entitled to total privacy.

still moving out in January. You are right I do feel judged by him still, he said some truly horrible things to me when he said he was leaving. Even though logically I know most are not true ( and some were so bonkers it did help me suddenly see how he has been behaving to me), it does make me feel self conscious in the house and around the kids. It’s a really horrible feeling.

That's the guilt talking because he feels bad for what he's done, rationalising to himself the fact that he has thrown away your family for an affair.

Take no notice of what he says and get a lock for your bedroom door then he can't come in with buckets or anything else.

You don't need him.

There is a lot of Sickness bugs going around , norovirus ect. Easy to pick up when you are out in a public space so maybe nothing to do with the wine?
If you think you do have it maybe reconsider cooking for him? Just one last time! Don't wash your hands!

I would get him out now. Why prolong the agony ? I expect he hasn't quite feathered his little love nest yet or he would be champing at the bit to start his wonderful new life with OW.

I agree with AnyFucker, get him out now. At least the kids will have Christmas as a distraction. After Christmas is always a depressing time, so if he leaves during that period, I believe it will be MUCH harder for the DC.

Get rid of him now, buy loads of presents and nice food and have a lovely Christmas with the DC.