am i too fat for my new bloke? confused....

[dancingtina]

ok, here's the short version of the situation:

Have recently got together with a bloke I really like. We've met about 6/7 times and had sex once (which was amazing!!) and we talk loads on phone and email/msg'er etc.

However, there is one thing that is confusing me....he's mentioned several times in passing that his ex wife has put 'loads of weight on' and that there's no way he would fancy her now cos 'she must be 14stone or something huge like that'...I'm 15 stone!!?? WTF???

Now, i genuinely don't think he is hinting at me to lose some weight cos he never stops telling me how sexy I am and what a great body I have (he's obviously blind lol!) but I am totally confused. Not sure whether to take it as a compliment that I must not look as big as I am ( I am pretty tall and have got massive boobs so do get away with some extra weight but not 4 stone!!). However, since he's mentioned it, i'm dead worried now that next time we 'get naked' he's going to suddenly notice how big I am and be repulsed!

I've not mentioned my weight or his ex wife's weight at all, don't want to draw attention to the subject but he does know that i'm conscious about my size but he always makes me feel fantastic about myself.

Just for record am dieting and exercising and have lost 7lbs in last month or so so i am heading in right direction)

What do you think? Is he a wierdo or what?

Hi

I just wondered in what context he mentioned his ex-wife. I think I would be more concerned at the fact he raises the subject of the ex wife rather than the weight issue. Could it be that he still harbours some feelings for her and is trying to convince himself that he could no longer fancy her due to the weight gain?
Just a thought, I don't want to put the blonkers on things for you

I would still be a little wary at the fact he thought weight was an issue regardless of who has gained it. It's the personality that makes the person not the dress size!

Hi, dancingtina. It's much more likely that he just doesn't notice the weight on you in the same way he notices it on his ex. Some people (and you suggest you might be one of them) can carry weight better than others. Similar situation with me and my dp, really (only he's the one carrying the extra weight). For some reason, I don't really notice that he's overweight because it seems to suit him; can't imagine him being a little skinny man.

I would take him at face value on this one and try not to read too much into it.

the other thing is that she might have actually gained much more weight than he realises. People genuinely think that I weigh about 16 stones ... actually much, much more than that. People have no genuine concept of how much some 'weight' looks like. He obviously likes you for who you are - ENJOY!!!!

He hasn't got a friggin clue how much she weighs. One of my friends was told by her boyfriend he would never sleep with anyone who was over a size 12 - she was a large 14 at the time!

Part of this is perpetuated by women who automatically knock two stone off their weight - so a man sees someone who says she is 15 stone, is actually 17 stone, and assumes that she is what 15 stone looks like. They don't make allowences for height either. i look twice the size of one of my mates who ways the same - she is 6 inches taller. Similarly, muscle to fat ratio can make a big difference - I am heavey for my waist size - I know a woman 3 waist sizes bigger and the same weight- but she is elderly and her muscle mass is lower.

I think its because his wife was obviously slimmer then when he was with her and now she has put on weight it is noticable to him,whereas he met you and got to know and like you the way you are ,so hes into you as a person rather than your size which is lovely !!
i think

i agree with mimiandme's message.
maybe it hurt him that his ex wife didn't want to try & loose the extra weight she had put on for whatever reason, if it is anything like my friend it was because he didn't appreciate what she did & was controlling.
just enjoy being you, he obviously is!

I have to say I find his remark a bit odd. Both that he mentioned her, and that he mentioned her weight.

hi, thanks for all your replies, at the moment i'm swaying towards the theory that i've dazzled him with my personality and he hasn't noticed my weight yet theory! lol

I'm not worried about him mentioning his ex wife, he's only spoken about her when i've asked about her and their relationship. They have a child together and split amicably so he stills sees her occasionally when they are dropping child off at each others houses. I was asking him if he's ever had 'sex with his ex' and that's why he made the comments about her weight.

thanks for all your replies

I'd say that he simply doesn't realise what "14 stone or something huge like that" really looks like. She's put on weight, he thinks 14 stone is a lot for a woman to weigh, so that's the figure he plucked from nowhere. He was probably trying to make you feel good - comparing his ex-wife negatively to you.

He thinks you're sexy and have a great body, he makes you feel good about yourself - not something that should make you think that he's repulsed by you.

Just enjoy it and stop thinking so much!

I agree with colditz. Enough women lie about their weight or their size, that lots of men have no idea what any weight or size looks like.

14 stone could be a lot, it would depend on the woman's height, frame size and musculature.

maybe his ex is like 2ft tall?

But he wouldn't fancy her now, because alot has gone on & they are divorced. He fell in love with who she WAS, not who she is now.

Like he likes/loves who you ARE now.

Or could he be saying it to reassure you? So you know there is changce of them reigniting what they had?

Does that make sense.......

I guess I am trying to say what WWB said!

men don't have the first idea about weight and size. If you told him you're 15 stone, he'd probably pass out. Then tell you ex must weigh 25 stone then.

I think his comments are very insensitve and odd.

I had something very like this happen to me. My DH absolutely adores my body and tells me (and shows me) constantly that he does. Not a few hours goes by without him telling me how sexy and lovely I am. I am not big but not tiny either, and I am a curvy type with big boobs and a roundy kind of bum.

A few months ago we saw his ex-W after he had not seen her for a while. He commented to me repeatedly (genuinely and with apparant shock) about her "fat arse" and how she had let herself go, and how big she had got. He really meant it. I didn't think she looked so very big but didn't really comment.

She then came to stay with us for a few days earlier this year (settling my stepdaughter into school in this country), and when she washed some of her stuff in the washing machine I noticed that she is in fact a size smaller than me in everything (including her jeans and so presumably her bum!). She is also exactly the same height as me.

Yet DH continues to believe she is fat and unattractive while I am the woman of his sexual dreams.

It does seem to be very much in the eye of the beholder. To add even more, I put on a bit of weight (around the time of a very stressful miscarriage) last autumn. When I moaned a bit about this DH really could not see it and maintained that I looked exactly as gorgeous as ever.

(I've lost that extra weight now, and am trying to lose a bit more, but not for DH! He seems to have a differemt perspective from that of the scale! thank goodness!)

nicola - aww, what a great message! Have taken a lot of comfort from that - sounds like you've got yourself a great bloke! Well done!