"You're lucky to have me" type comments - insulting/patronising?

[Sounsure777]

I was on a works xmas night out and sent my boyfriend a photo of me and said "recognise the earings?" His reply was "i wondered when they'd make an appearance, they suit you, you lucky girl!". ( he bought them for me on a holiday in venice).

It sounds minor and petty writing it down but he often says "youre so lucky (to have me). Half jokingly but not fully joking.

I guess the response i was looking for is "you look beautiful, they really suit you, reminds me of our venice trip etc... " not a ref to how im so lucky to have him...

Thr other day he helped me after work strip some wallpaper.. i was clearly gratetful said thanks numerous times and i did us pizza etc.. he couldnt just graciously say "no worries im pleased to help you.." he had to make ref to how he "couldnt do any more for me" and how he couldnt put any more effort in etc and how good a job hed done on the wall he did etc . His comments make me cringe sometimes... would this drive u nuts??

Wouldn't bother me, no. It's just a lighthearted jokey comment.

My DP and I make comments like this to each other. And the correct response is, yes, I am, and a big hug and a kiss!

My reply would be not half as lucky as you are to have me!

He sounds a bit insecure to me, honestly. Like he needs to ram home to you how great he is in case you don't think so.

Yeah I'd find it annoying. On the plus side, he seems 'self confident' which is not all negative even if it's annoying. My my DH is down I say 'I love you' and he says 'I don't know why'. I really really would prefer an arrogant 'of course you do, I'm epic!'.

I hate these comments. In fact people would often say to me I was lucky to have my bf. Without even knowing him. So they based it soley on looks. Any yes he is good looking but I'm not that bad! One time a woman said it to me I said it was a nasty thing to say to me. As if I should be so worthy my bf stooped so low as to pair up with me.
But the fact your bf says it to you about him...that would be very very annoying however, I agree it sounds like he is I secure.

Yes I would say you are lucky to have me too!! I'm sure there's lots of things you do for him that you don't expect/ get lots of thanks for?

Definitely Muppets Christmas carol!

It wpuld put me right off him tbh. It would make me think of all of the negative things about him if he kept promoting himself like that. Being grateful to your partner for what they do for you is 100X more attractive.

When DH says he loves me I always reply "Well why wouldn't you?"

He laughs.

It would annoy me too a bit!

I have said stuff (when not single!) like "well yes I'm awesome in response to someone saying they like/love you.

But that's an obvious joke and not the same as praising your "luck" at any opportunity when it doesn't really need shoehorning in.

It's not a LTB moment but it is horribly cringe.

Anyone who's that bothered about having to make a point every time they lift a finger, becomes tedious. It's like unless you're grovelling at their feet, swearing undying love and gratitude, they aren't satisfied. I'm all for expressing appreciation, but when you feel they're squeezing out every last drop, it becomes what I'd call "High Maintenance"

Why not come right out (next time he says it) and say "I am curious as to why you always say things like that. Do you feel unappreciated?"

Only he knows why he says it. It would grate on my nerves after a while. Ask him what it's all about.

I would hate that. 'You lucky girl'?

It's arrogant. It's an inflated sense of self-importance.

On the rare occasion my exh did anything for me, I had to be eternally grateful as he went on and on about what a wonderful job he had done and what would I have done without him etc etc. Some of the stuff he referred to went back years and he was still going on about that time when...

I think it's more patronising than insulting - it sounds like something a fond Auntie would say to a small child showing off Christmas presents!

He sounds insecure to be honest. I wonder if he was made to feel useless on a regular basis as a kid or in a previous relationship? It would bug me though. If you like him enough to make the effort perhaps tell him how you feel but if it's an engrained habit it won't be easy to tackle without a huge effort on his part.

I tell dh that EVERY day! He is lucky, I'm amazing!

I think if this is annoying you about him now to think again about a long-term future relationship. Depends if it send in a joking kind of way. But even so jokes do wear a bit thin after a while.

It would annoy me too, I don’t know if I could put up with it.

It’s making everyhting about him. Not “ these earrings really suit you “ but “ I’m so wonderful to give them to you “.

If it’s indicative of his underlying attitude, I’d dump.