I really need advice.
Been married 28 years, met quite young, whirlwind romance and married within 7 months of meeting. Then had 2 DD soon after.
So we obviously didn’t know each other properly, which I know is ridiculous, but we always say how lucky we are that we have a happy marriage. We do love each other very much.
But I’m not happy. I found out very quickly that he is a workaholic, because of his childhood - family farm, made to work from aged 6, yes proper work that a grown up should be doing. He’s had it drummed into him that work always comes first, he worked every single holiday and weekend throughout his childhood. So I saw this has had a huge effect in him emotionally. Thrighout our marriage I’ve had to battle to get him be involved in family life. Because he didn’t have a “proper” childhood he didn’t know how to be a dad, how to play, have fun etc. Any “free time” he has he gets anxious beforehand and then makes everyone around him start to worry. Every single holiday, family event etc throughout our marriage has been affected by this. Once he’s there and relaxed he will enjoy it, but it’s all such a fucking palaver!!
He has no idea how to handle anything emotional. He just thinks it’s best to leave the person to it and walks out of the room.
So last night, 10 mins before meeting friends fir dinner, ((we’d had all the “I don’t want to go” throughout the day) my mum phoned to say my sister has been rushed to hospital with a suspected blood clot on her lung. I’m obviously upset. He walks out the room, I text my BIL and then go to find when he is. He’s on his phone, replying to work emails, says to me “you look gorgeous” I rely that I don’t feel like it, “why?” He replies 
. Well because I’ve just been told my sister is ill and in hospital. He apologises profusely, asks if I want him to do anything (just don’t be such a dick, maybe). we get in the car and he starts talking about work, I go fucking ballistic and tell him what a emotionally stunted, selfish arse he is. He again apologised says he’s a complete dick etc. BUT this is third time in 2 weeks when I’ve exploded because he’s been di utterly thoughtless. I’ve had enough, I’m fed up with feeling so emotionally lonely, of him working all hours. (He’s not farming anymore, but he still works farming hours, awakes around 4.30 and working flat out until around 7).
He has been having therapy for around 6 years because we nearly split up then, his temper was awful and I’d had enough. He’s stating to talk about his childhood recently and it’s brought up so much awful stuff about how he was treated and what he was exposed to. Therapist said there would be social service involvement if it happened today. But he’s never ever talked about our marriage other than to say he loves me to bits and how lucky he is to have me and the girls (who are in their twenties and live away from home now). They both think he’s a workaholic and stress out, but absolutely love him to bits.
I’m just stuck at what to say to him, I used to let things go but I can’t anymore, I’m menopausal and I know my capacity for patience is wearing thin. I know I’ve started to really shout at him, which he hates. I want us to have a happy marriage but I don’t know where to start.