Money matters for the future

[pointerbrother]

I'm very nearly at the end of a horrible and complicated divorce process which has taken 4 years to sort. The settlement will allow me to buy a fairly decent house with a manageable mortgage for me and my dcs.

I have been with my dp for 2 years and he has been nothing but supportive through this. He has shown me what it's like to have a truly equal and loving relationship. We have talked about our future and while we are keen to take things slowly after everything that has gone on we are looking forward to living together one day and sharing equally all that entails.

Currently he rents a small place for him and his dc and has a good job and drives an expensive car. He is never without the latest gadget. When we talk about the future it very much seems like he is of the opinion that we will sell the house that I have (at the time, haven't bought it yet) and we will all move in together. However I don't feel entirely comfortable with this. I'd be putting everything I fought hard for in my divorce into it and he'd be bringing nothing. Now, I feel that this is something I need to bring up with him soon so there are no crossed wires in the future. As we are looking at 2/3/5 years down the line here I believe there is time for him to save, get on the property ladder and then both come at this from the same direction, both with a property to sell. Would I be wrong to think this? I don't want to be entirely mercenary but I'm trying to think about what is sensible.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I think you are being extremely sensible and savvy.

I am in the process of divorcing and as soon as the mortgage situation is sorted it will be a huge relief to be secure in my own home. There is no way in the world I would give that security for me amd my dc up now, or in the future.

Tell your dp that you are happy in separate households and it will be staying that way, he sounds very presumptuous assuming you will be throwing your hard earned money and security in with his, very meagre contribution. Be VERY wary here op, it will be interesting to see what his reaction will be though. Please do not let him push you into another potentially difficult situation x

As an aside op, my mum bought a house with her dp years ago. Like you she sold her own property to do this, his input was zero so he had to take out a mortgage for his share. He treated her like a queen whilst dating but now its obvious he wants a servant, not a partner.
My mum has sorted her will which gives him rights to stay in the property if she passes away first, he has point blank refused to do the same for her saying his share will go straight to his kids. He is also financially abusive and expects my mum to fork out for majority of bills, house stuff etc. (She is in her 70's and still works).
My mum constantly says how she wishes she never tied herself to another man and it is a lesson I have learnt very clearly. She says now she is too old to do anything about it which breaks my heart.
Funnily enough her dp always has the latest gadget and throws money on stupid expensive hobbies that he invariably gets bored of.
Stay sensible op

Stay sensible op. Me and DP will be putting roughly the same amount into our house when we buy, but we will still both get legal advice to protect our financial independence.

I won't be moving in with my partner until we can both bring an equal amount to the table. I'm the one with nothing though! My circumstances might change though which I won't go into detail about but when and if my circumstances improve I won't be risking it.