If I don't let it all out I'm going to scream.

[DavidBeckhamsleftfoot]

So many little bits to add to this story so it will be an unintentional drip feed, please forgive me.

Myself and DP are on the rocks. Badly.

We're meant to be moving house with 4 kids in 3 days. Oldest 3 are just mine, the baby is ours.

We are nearly irreparably apart. I don't want to be and I don't think he does either, but we can't seem to reach each other. We're at opposite ends of our world.

Has anyone come back from that?

Is it that you're unkind to each other or just distant?

Both. We just cannot seem to reach out to each other and stop all the issues overwhelming us in one way or another.

Can you tell us anymore about what the issues are OP? Me and DH have been pretty close to where you are from the sound of it and yes, we have come back from it but I guess it depends on what the problems actually are and how much you both want to make it work. Sending you a hug, it's a miserable place to be I know

Moving house can be pretty stressful. Might things get better after the move?

We've been there too, in stressful times and moving house is one of the hardest things to do.
It took a long time, a reduction in the external stress, the odd caring glance, little in jokes that crept tentatively back, finding ourselves on the same team again more often than not. I'm sending hugs too.

House move has been up and down, not at all straightforward. Lots of stress.
He's been struggling with the baby ( I posted in AIBU about his depression) so I do everything except the 4 hours 3 x a week that I'm at work. Lots of pressure with a separation anxious baby who screams if not near me. I'm doing my best not to encourage this but he shuts down once I'm back from work.
He's been working overtime so is more tired and pushing on me more to give him space/time/sleep.

I know his life is hard right now, but so is mine and it's always a case of me vs him, no middle ground, and nothing resolved. He cannot take any form of conversation that hints at him maybe needing to change anything or adapt without taking it as a personal attack which he defends in a verbally aggressive way. I'm so drained.

For various reasons we haven't had any time alone for ages and we have nothing in common anymore. This feels like it but I so don't want it to be.

All sounds fairly familiar OP especially the inability to take any kind of (perceived) criticism and the verbal aggression Looking back I should probably have left DH as it bordered on abuse some of the time but I could see that he genuinely had no idea how to deal with the stresses we were under at the time and I felt there was enough worth saving for me to stick with it.

Can I ask how you usually go about broaching the problems with him? Is it done off the back of an argument or have you tried sitting him down when things are calm? If you get the same response regardless could you try a letter/email which he reads when the two of you are not together so he has chance to digest what's been said before he replies? That approach worked for us because it meant I wasn't there for him to have his usual knee jerk rant at and he actually considered what I'd said rather than being blinded by his own defensiveness. How I worded things made a massive difference too, I tried to phrase everything from the perspective of how I was feeling and avoided anything that could sound like blame or criticism aimed at him.

Believe me I'm not the type to mince my words or pussyfoot around someone who's not treating me well under normal circumstances but the way we were communicating just wasn't working at that point so I was prepared to try anything just to get us talking.

How much have you told him already about how you're feeling OP? Does he know you're wondering if 'this is it' and if so does he know how much you don't want it to be? Maybe hearing that you're scared of losing what you have together might get through to him and give you a better platform for a constructive conversation?