Pregnant with a gaming addict partner

[Tumbleweeds24]

37 weeks pregnant and on maternity leave. My OH (other half) works 5 nights a week, 9pm - 9pm. Hes in his thirties.

Every second he gets at home is spent on his xbox at the minute. Fine by me as he works hard, except it's starting to impact daily life.

On the 5 nights he's working he will get home from work at 9am and then play his games until around 2.30pm then go to sleep until 6ish, eat then go to work. It's hardly a healthy amount of sleep given how he works 12 hours through the night thus hes always tired. He is also impossible to wake up for work due to so little sleep and ends up being late for work half of the time.

When he has nights off like yesterday he will get in from his last shift around 9am in the morning, play computer games all day until 7 or 8pm, sleep through the night and then in the morning (today) he will go on the games again from waking at 10am and sit on them all day long until it's time to go to work again tonight.

I've been sat twiddling my thumbs all day unable to watch tv my self as he's using it for his gaming. Complications means I'm not very mobile at the moment so cant get out much and i can't use the bedroom tv for television programs as we don't have a signal in there. Ive watched every DVD we own and read umpteen books.

We haven't spent any quality time together for a while, I used to look forward to his nights off and we would watch movies or go to bingo, now all he seems to do is play his games with his online friends. There is no social stimulation whatsoever.

I'm also a bit worried about how this will affect our co-parenting when the baby arrives.

I've been sat on the sofa all day long watching him play these bloody games.

I just want a bit more normality in the house and to be able to enjoy his company when he's not at work. I also worry about the impact the excessive gaming will have on his job given how he's never in on time.

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit pushed out and neglected, frustrated and concerned? Should i cut him some slack?

I'm so frustrated with all of this but he doesn't take criticism well and sees his gaming as the only time he gets to himself as he works so much.

I raised it in haste the other night after we ended up having a heated discussion, he wasn't waking up for work as he had been gaming all day and when I told him it's ridiculous he had a face on when he went to work and still the next morning when he got home.

Oh dear. IME this won't change when the baby is here and he will just resent the instrusion on his gaming time.

My exh is 43. An intelligent, creative and witty man. Yet he spends all the time he's not working gaming. He talks about it to the children like it's important - in similar ways to some people discuss what is happening in soaps as though it's real life.

It contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. He always justified it by saying that his two closest friends were the same. In fact, one of the friends had a gaming room and would spend his evenings up there so he considered that I was 'lucky' that he was, at least, in the same room as me.

Within a year of our marriage breaking down, these other two relationships had also broken down.

If I'm perfectly honest, I think you will rue the day that you became pregnant by him.

Don't forget to ask what support he will need, as someone who works nights. Frame your conversation very much as a give and take situation. If you spend time in the house with an upset/teething baby when he needs sleep, that will add pressure to your relationship too. Agree what time is sleep time for him, and then clear out to a Baby group or local library etc. But in return, some of his time at home needs to be supporting you. And negotiate your own baby free time for hobbies. Best of luck xx

Cut the plug off?

This sounds a real nightmare. You need to be clear about what you can put up with this. He doesn't sound like much of a catch and this sounds like a terrible relationship. I couldn't imagine that I would be happy with my partner playing games for even a couple of hours a day. There's too much to do, Now you're going to be parents though, he needs to start regulating himself or going cold turkey with this. Good luck.
Actually, can you just throw the box away?

My DH is a gaming XBOX addict. If I could ban fucking gaming I would. Don’t understand it past early teens so I find it weird my husband is on the bus to 40 and still has to go on every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday to do his ‘raids’ but it seems quite common. I love him, despite the gaming. He’s a good man and a good earner, just those fucking games. But I fear he would choose them over me given the ultimatum so I have a bath on games nights, a glass of wine and read a book and pretend that the man I fancy so much, isn’t downstairs playing ‘guns and monsters’ ... No advice OP but I feel your pain