Dd and her dad

[buddhasbelly]

My second thread of the day but I'm a bit debilitated through sciatica and need advice!

My dd (3.5) has been asking about her dad. He hasn't seen over in over 2 years, is verbally and physically abusive and basically would give her a very poor moral bearing should she meet him. His latest rubbish had him up in court only 6 months ago for ruining his current partner's home so it seems safe to say that he hasn't changed.

But she is asking who her dad is? Why she doesn't have one? How should I respond? Many thanks for responses.

I should add, I've been careful (almost too much so) when she was smaller (1/1.5) to not let my opinion of him made her view of him but equally I cannot let her think that someone is abusive is a good person. He has never paid for her upbringing, I just dont know what to say when she asks about her dad

You could tell her that she does have a dad, but you don't see him because he doesn't treat people nicely, and you both deserve better.

Something simple, but honest. And try to make sure that whatever you tell her, you don't give her any room to think that she might be somehow at fault here.

You're doing a great job in looking after her. She's lucky to have you.

Thank you ontherise I am really trying to make sure that she doesn't think it's her fault. I tried to facilitate contact for a long time when she was a baby but it was detrimental to her and then to me when he was abusive.

I just really want to make sure she doesn't think anyhing is her fault.

I’m in a fairly similar situation, although my Dd is younger and not yet asking questions. My plan is to tell her that she does have a Dad somewhere, but he wasn’t ready to be a daddy yet (abusive shithead) But we are lucky to have our family (me, auntie, grandparents etc) who all love her very much. So to explain, but redirect to the good she has in her life?! Who knows whether this is right, but a lot of thought has gone into it It’s shit isn’t it?!

I am nc with my dps and have told my dc sometimes people aren't who we think they are. And that as their dm I get to decide who they spend time with.