Perspective needed please AIBU?

[TheSleeperandTheSpindle]

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. Not sure if I’m being unreasonable and a party pooper.

Last year DH and I were invited to his sisters on Boxing Day. Our DS was only 8 weeks old at the time. We arrived at around 4pm and agreed we would only stay a few hours as I was tired and DS being so little. Lo and behold the whole thing descended into the whole lot of them (DH, fil, bil, sil, DH’s cousin and her partner etc) getting pissed and staying in the kitchen smoking, drinking and shouting. I was left in the front room with DS and MIL. MIL sensed it was going to end up that way so left about 6pm, asking if I wanted to join her. I said no because at that point people were only ‘merry’ and were actually sitting in the front room with me. By 8pm I was left on my own. I couldn’t even go into the kitchen because DS wouldn’t let me put him down and the kitchen was full of smoke. At 9pm I packed DS up, knocked on the kitchen door and said I’d had enough and was walking back to the car. Cue everyone saying sorry and DH insisting on walking me to the car/coming home. Anyway, he stayed at SIL’s and I received a call from BIL at around midnight to say DH was asleep on their sofa.

When DH arrived home the next day he could tell I wasn’t happy and was very apologetic. I told him there and then that there was no way I would be going to SIL’s this Boxing Day. I have repeated this throughout the year and even mentioned it last week. DH agreed.

Yesterday we received a message from SIL inviting us round for the X family party and saying how lovely it will be to get together blah blah. I just looked at DH and reminded him that I will not be going.

DH is now in a mood because “Christmas is about family” and he’s promising not to get drunk etc etc. He forgets that we’ve been together for almost 20 years and I know what his family is like around drink. Also DS is now 14 months old and is a stickler for his routine. He goes to bed around 7pm-7.30pm and I’ve only just got him sleeping in his cot after 12 months of cosleeping. Laying him on SIL’s bed (or some blankets as she suggested) is just not going to work.

We also spending Christmas Day with MIL, FIL, BIL & SIL (and their spolit daughter) so it’s not like we’re not spending any time with them over Christmas.

Am I being unreasonable? Last year frankly tainted my first Christmas with my DS, even if that does sound a little precious

Your dh is a selfish dick.

Although we’ve been together for 18 years we got together when we were 16 so we had many years of being with our parents separately until we moved in together in our 20s. We then alternated - either Xmas Eve with one set of parents and Xmas Day with the other (leaving Boxing Day to lounge around and eat) or Xmas Eve to lounge around and Xmas Day/Boxing Day with family.

Last year we saw ILS on Xmas Eve (and Xmas morning!), spent Xmas Day with my parents and DB and then this get together on Boxing Day. Which apparently was so much fun for everyone that they want to repeat it this year.

I’m more than happy for DH to go and don’t mind spending the evening alone once DS is in bed (I’d love the alone time with some Baileys and nice nibbles tbh!) but DH doesn’t want to go without me.

Well dh will just have to suck it up - it's not something you'll enjoy and it's not suitable or fun for your dc either. So he can go or he can stay, but it's not fair to try to get you to go.

Well he makes his choice and then shuts up.

Either he goes without you and you each have a great evening, or you both stay home and he acts like a grown up (no sulking)

I don't really understand these men who are unable to spend time with their own friends and/or family without their partners

Yeah that’s totally his choice not to go then - it’s his family ffs, it’s not like he won’t know anyone if you don’t go! Stick to your guns, you’re being completely reasonable.

I thought the snide remark about your niece was pretty uncalled for and not relevant to your op. Boxing Day does tend to be for most a time to have a drink/ get Merry, could you go to your families, attend abit and leave or just let your dh go on his own? My dh is going out for a drink with his mates Boxing Day whilst il be home with the kids it certainly won’t ruin my Christmas because we will have Christmas Day together.

Just let him to go alone then it he skips it and stays with his wife and family. Christmas is different with small children, life needs to adjust.

I think spending Christmas day with the ils is enough, Christmas eve with your family, Christmas night/boxing day at home.

You had a shit time last year and he let you go home with a new baby while he stayed drinking and smoking.

You’re spending Christmas Day with the very same people this year.

And he’s saying he wants you there Boxing Day with them all again too???? Presumably drinking and smoking again and you trying to contain and amuse a toddler away from the smoke and drink?

I’d tell him to fuck right off. I really would.