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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I entitled to be upset over this?

25 replies

xmasstress · 16/12/2017 09:37

So last night my hushed was on a night shift ( he is allowed to sleep at night with this job so it's not due to no sleep) he was off with em didn't text me goodnight like he usually does but I just bought it was me. This morning he doesn't text me morning like usual and the first thing he text me was 'I'm going to help my cousin with something after work' he finishes 10 this morning. And I ask him why he only telling me now and why that's the first thing he text didn't even ask how I am. He then started to refer to me as a bitch and being nasty so I ask him what have I done ? He said nothing but I know fore a fact he has a problem with me but won't tell me. He's done this a number of times, he had a problem but Doesn't talk about it he just tortures me by having me guessing. He will give me silent treatment, give me attitude on his way to show he's angry but won't say why.. I'm in for such a crap day

OP posts:

kateclarke · 16/12/2017 09:43

I think you both sound like hard work.

Original poster

xmasstress · 16/12/2017 09:47

@kateclarke how was that even remotely helpful

OP posts:

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 16/12/2017 09:48

Er yes you are 'allowed' to feel upset with this.
His behaviour is not normal, or what loving partners do.

Maybe text him saying that is you are such a nasty bitch then he can grow up and fuck off. Then go out and have a fab day ignoring the inevitable shitty messages he will send to get you to stfu.

But I am guessing you wont

LIZS · 16/12/2017 09:49

So he abuses and manipulates you , while you aren't aware of having upset him?

SanitaFannyWelly · 16/12/2017 09:49

He sounds like a bullying twat and emotionally abusive. Do you not think you deserve better? Bin him off.

Whocansay · 16/12/2017 10:40

Get on with your day. Don't contact him. Arrange to do stuff with other people. If you aren't chasing him it will take the wind out of his sails.

Do not ask him again what you have done. He's said 'nothing', so take it at face value.

He sounds like a passive aggressive knob. Is he usually like this?

Original poster

xmasstress · 16/12/2017 10:48

Yes he's always like this. He takes his bad mood out on me. He lies about stuff and then blame me the fact he lies. Every-time something isn't going right in his life or the way he wants he Blames me for it saying he doesn't have a wife that's 'strong enough' and then behaves like this. He will be a twat all day and he knows how to manipulate me so he will use my weaknesses to get at me today. I can't leave the house because I have no money to go anywhere and I don't drive.

OP posts:

fantasmasgoria1 · 16/12/2017 10:55

You don’t sound like hard work but he certainly does. You would be better off without him. He is abusive and nasty if you can get away from him somehow you should.

Karigan1 · 16/12/2017 10:58

Any relationship where your partner calls you a bitch in any way but joking (got to say that as I called my SO a bastard whilst he was putting snow down my neck) is not a healthy one.

Sit down and think of you really want to spend the next 40/50 years with someone who treats you like that.

Regularsizedrudy · 16/12/2017 10:59

What are you getting out of this relationship? Tell him to fuck off

Regularsizedrudy · 16/12/2017 11:00

Why don't you have any money?

SpartonDregs · 16/12/2017 11:01

Why would you want this person to text you in the first place? I'd be happy he was out the house and enjoying the moments until he got home.

Actually I wouldn't, i'd have left long ago.

Belleoftheball8 · 16/12/2017 11:01

I have to agree with the poster who said your hard work sorry although he shouldn’t call you a bitch

Violletta · 16/12/2017 11:02

why are you with him?
a relationship is meant to have good points as well, are you getting any good points?

Angelf1sh · 16/12/2017 11:09

Calling you a nasty bitch was totally out of order at a complete overreaction to what you said. You have every right to be upset by this. On the other hand, your response to not getting a text last night or this morning asking you how you were also feels like an overreaction and I can see how he might be fed up of high maintenance behaviour.

If he’s upset you, you should talk it through rather than just telling each other to fuck off, but be open to the possibility that you might have unreasonable expectations of your partner and you could both be in the wrong.

Viviennemary · 16/12/2017 11:16

It's not great getting those nasty texts. But you do sound hard work with your getting upset because you're not wished good-morning on a text and asked how you are. Just sounds like you're really not suited to each other. I agree he sounds fed up of your high maintenance behaviour. He's at work leave him alone.

Branleuse · 16/12/2017 11:23

he sounds really annoying. How the hell are you supposed to sort out problems if he just does passive aggresive stonewalling. How very tiring

YellowMakesMeSmile · 16/12/2017 11:40

You both sound as bad as each other. Teens text like that not adults. Expecting numerous texts is extremely childish and needy likewise he should have ignored and not name called. You sound very unsuitable for each other.

Original poster

xmasstress · 16/12/2017 11:43

I'm not needy I don't expect a text, it's the Fact he didn't even say hi just telling me he won't be homing home on time

OP posts:

Joysmum · 16/12/2017 11:50

All he did was not txt good morning. Did you txt him good morning?

Whilst other posters see your OP as him with the problem, given you reaction to him not saying good morning and helping his cousin it’s entirely possible given your limited OP that he’s on eggshells because of your reactions.

There’s not enough in the OP to say either way. For me though, I’m in a good relationship and neither dh or I would be bothered by not getting a good morning and we’d both see the need to help someone else straight after a night shift as being because that person was in need and not just to piss us off.

Original poster

xmasstress · 16/12/2017 11:53

@Joysmum

Like I said I find it disrespectful to not even say hi to someone and then just tell me he's going dropping money off for his cousin ( he keeps his money in my DHs account for the time being until he gets a bank sorted) I actually don't have w problem with him doing that of course it's the fact he thinks I'm ok with being disrespected. He said he could have told me last night but 'forget' yes you have a good relationship I don't. He usually 'forgets' to tell me about anything

OP posts:

Codlet · 16/12/2017 11:55

It doesn’t sound like you like each other very much.

Joysmum · 16/12/2017 18:17

Mine forgets to tell me things too but he forgets, doesn’t do it on purpose.

As others have said, you don’t sound like you like and respect him so you’re flogging a dead horse if something so minor is causing you so much angst.

TheNaze73 · 16/12/2017 20:50

I agree with Joysmum

kateclarke · 16/12/2017 20:56

@exmasstress I have read back and really do owe you an apology.
I was not helpful at all so I’m sorry.
Hope things are better for you this evening.
Don’t ever take relationship advice from me. I’m so bad I should go and live in a cave for the sake of mankind.

Flip

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