Okcupid dating advice please...

[gaynor83]

have been on okcupid for a while, had one date and it didn't amount to much. I don't usually talk to anyone. But the past couple of weeks I have been chatting to a guy who seems really cool and interesting. We have lots in common. He seemed to be really interested in continuing our conversation. He sent me his number and I texted him.
Since I texted him, I have been the one to initiate our conversations, every few days.. He replies quickly and seems to be interested in chatting. I suggested meeting sometime, he said sure thing..was up for a cup of tea and a chat. Then once the convo ends I have picked it up later. He is not local but not too far either. He is an artist and sent me his Instagram, I checked him out but he hasn't followed me back. Not that this matters.. 😂
I'm quite inexperienced with meeting people this way. I like texting but feel it's best to meet fairly quickly to see if you get on in real life. I think our text convos have gone well. I don't want to seem disinterested but I also don't want to keep initiating.
How much contact should i expect from him in this situation?

My advice? Give it up. If he really was interested, he would be keen to get a date in the diary. As it is, he is probably chatting with/dating other people. Sorry
For what it's worth, I found OKC to be the absolute worst of all the dating sites I've tried. Lots of very earnest, creative, intelligent types ... but time wasters in my experience.
Join a different site and find someone who will appreciate you and want to actually meet up!
Good luck.

My advice?

Talk to more people.

If you think you might like a person, try to meet them reasonably quickly.

Don't invest too much time or thought into any one person until you have met them.

I think that the whole month leading up to Christmas is a bit of a write-off anyway, people are so busy that it's too difficult to arrange dates.

Yeah, I liked the site because most people seem a bit more intelligent...he doesn't log in that regularly I don't think, but then nor do I. I haven't noticed anyone else I feel like talking to to be honest.
I agree, I thought if he was really interested to set a date would be the next step. It says on his profile he likes to text a bit prior to meeting..
I guess I will just leave it to him now. It's disappointing but I can't strike up the conversation everytime. Would you give after a few days, or longer?
He works in hospitality and is doing 12 hour shifts and working Xmas day, I guess it's a busy time, but even so.
I have tried Pof and Tinder found them awful, full of weirdos and people looking for sex.
Maybe it's time to delete my profile ...

Dont text him and see how long it takes for him to get in touch. I think you may be waiting a while.

I would move on.

Yeah I'm tending to agree. Disappointing as I really liked the sound of him. People are strange...

The reason it's not worth investing too much is that people can drift off for all kinds of reasons that are nothing to do with you.

They might be busy, might be not in the mood for dating, might have realised they are not yet over their ex, might have met someone else, might have decided to go on a diet that means they can't go and eat/drink out for a while, might be ill, might have something going on with their family that is taking up all of their mental energy.

Some people are strange, but drifting off and not instigating messages after two weeks of texting is not very strange at all, it's quite normal.

I wouldn't give up with online dating but don't invest too much in one person until you know where it's going. I met my OH on POF but was on it a while before he came across my profile and messaged me. I found a lot of guys were a little strange, either too full on straight away or were not bothered to the point I lost interest and it fizzled out. It can take a while, having a few dates and chatting to a few people on the site before you find the right fit for you. This guy in particular I would take a step back from and start talking to a few other guys. If he was really interested and liked you a lot, he would be making more of an effort. I always thought it was normal to be initiating conversation and dates with guys but when I met my partner, he did most of the chasing and initiated everything and that's how I knew he was serious about me and he was the right one for me.

Could you suggest an actual date, time and place? Sometimes you need to push for this particularly if you’ve got a good feeling about him. If he’s flaky after meeting up, then forget him

Yes, I'm just going to step back and see what happens. Nothing else to do really. Can't really force anything I suppose. Don't think I have the energy for those sites though. Seems to be hard work to meet genuine people. I'm happy enough on my own I guess anyway so it's a bonus of someone cool eventually shows up.

I'd normally agree with writing this one off, but I'm in an usually good mood, you liked him, sound like you've got your head screwed on and so I'm prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt (busy at work, Xmas, whatever).

How about you text him with a specific date. Like "Hi, I'm free on Tuesday any time after 2pm for that coffee if you still fancy it?"
Then see what he says. If he just says he can't make it, forget him and move on. If he's genuinely interested, he'd apologize and then suggest another possible day.

FWIW though, I found OKcupid to be the worst for timewasters and men just after sex.

Hope you have better luck.

Don't write off POF too quickly. I now know 2 people who met their husbands from there I went out with a few really nice men. Also a few not so nice but it wasn't the end of the world. There was a massive range of men on there I found. I'd say about the man you're talking about that he's not interested and I'd give up. If he's not able to meet up due to work, xmas etc he'd have said that.

I’d leave it to be honest - he may well text you again in the new year and give you a specific date suggestion but don’t waste your time waiting around for it if it may never come. I had one guy text me and ask me for a drink an entire year later - he’d moved to Denmark and back in the interim!

Basically I think it’s best to view online dating as a way to be introduced to people you wouldn’t otherwise have met, but don’t try and use it to get to know them - there’s no substitute for meeting someone in person so do that as quickly as possible so you’re not wasting your time. I met my husband on okcupid - he sent me one message, I replied and then he asked me out for a coffee - I think if someone is serious about meeting you they’ll just go for it, otherwise who knows someone else might snap you up first and they’ll have missed their chance