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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Signed papers to apply for decree nisi today and feeling awful

12 replies

MayorOfOz · 15/12/2017 23:16

Long story short - partner "desperately unhappy" so left me and two DD's - and is currently now in a relationship with an ex. I have been very busy getting financial stuff in order and doing what needs to be done for DD's, but I went to the solicitors today to sign the papers to apply for decree nisi and feel so desperately sad tonight. It's just that feeling of not being married anymore, no-one has my back, unconditionally, looking out for me. I know I'm more than capable of doing this for myself, but I thought I would be married forever. I feel so alone..

OP posts:

SleepIsForTheWeek · 15/12/2017 23:22

It's understandable. You are grieving the end of a relationship, the end of future dreams and the loss of your familiar life - and that's before you get into how you feel about your ex and his new life.
Be kind to yourself, things will get better.

Original poster

MayorOfOz · 15/12/2017 23:28

Thank you so much.

OP posts:

Grunkle · 15/12/2017 23:29

Love, you aren't alone. I've felt like this. I will feel like this again as my papers aren't signed.

It is such a difficult feeling, saying goodbye to this thing that you put your heart, soul and trust into x

Original poster

MayorOfOz · 15/12/2017 23:31

Thank you Grunkle. I'm sorry you're going through this too. Thank you for taking the time to reply. It really helps to know I'm not alone.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 16/12/2017 08:01

It's horrible.
You feel live you've failed in some way.
None of us get married to get divorced.
It's a sad time.
Like the final part of the grieving proces.
Keep busy.
You'll get there.

Tattybear16 · 16/12/2017 08:25

Been here honey, spent the day on my own after I'd signed, cried a little for the future I thought we'd have together. You will get through it. Then I remembered all the things he'd done that meant I needed a divorce in the first place. He was never there for me or the kids and definitely never had my back. Good luck It's the beginning of a new adventure for you and your DD's. Life is too short, take the DD's out and enjoy them.

Jessybear90 · 16/12/2017 09:10

Awww OP you're not alone! You have to DDs who will grow hi to be your best friend and will ALWAYS have your back!

I remember my mum getting divorced and being a single mum when I was six and she threw her all into taking care of us. Fast forward to now, she's re-married an amazing man, I now have a younger step sister, and me and my Mum are pretty much best mates and have always been there for each other.

Your EXH must be out of of his mind to leave you with two DDs. And I'm pretty certain that he'll wake up one day and regret it all.

You've done the right thing! Don't doubt yourself. It might be the end of your marriage but it doesn't mean it's the end of relationships for you. You can have a relationship with a man in the future who loves you, wants you and watches your back. You don't even need to be married to have that.

Starlight2345 · 16/12/2017 09:18

I applied for the divorce on the grounds of my EX's unreasonable behaviour.

I still felt sad that the life I thought we were going to happen was never going to happen.

Years later though so glad I did it.

wednesdayswench · 16/12/2017 11:10

This is one chapter that is closed, but you still have the rest of the book.

You are strong, you have your DD's and a bright an exciting future ahead of you.

Feeling terribly sad at this stage is a very normal and healthy reaction, coming through this grief will provide you with the positive energy you will need to move forward.

Original poster

MayorOfOz · 16/12/2017 14:46

Thank you all for taking the time to reply - I really appreciate it. It really helps to know I'm not alone, and others have been where I am and come out the other side. Your words have helped a lot. Thank you.

OP posts:

pointythings · 16/12/2017 21:43

I'm not as far along the road as you are - my petition will have been submitted this week so a while to go yet. He has viewed an apartment today and is taking it, so he will be moving out early January. I am mostly hopeful of a better future - for all of us, him included - but there are also sad times. When you're coming out of a long relationship, you do need to grieve for what might have been and it is OK to feel like that. I'd say it was healthy.

scrabbler3 · 17/12/2017 00:04

Plenty of married couples are in sham relationships and don't have each other's backs. I'm not sure that couples love each other "unconditionally" either, I think that applies more to the parent/child relationship. I think you're romanticising marriage and I understand that because I did the same in the early stages of separation. It's normal to grieve for the future you anticipated.

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