Should we separate?

[Jonny1978]

I am a 39 year old male who has been married for 7 years. We have been together 10 years and due to childhood cancer i am sterile. We have been undergoing fertility treatment (sperm donation) for 5 years but have not had any cycles for the last year.

I love mh wife but she has been pushing me away steadily for about 2 years, i do everything i can, help in the house, cook, wash, plan romantic nights etc. Problem is she doesnt seem interested in a physical relationship at all. All she does is critisise me, nothing i do is good enough.

We clearly are not happy, yet if i ask her she says she is - am i fooling myself or shoukd we call it a day?

Ugh, I'm sorry for your hard times. Have you had counselling? I think that would be a start. She may be subconsciously punishing you. Difficulties ttc can often cause depression & resentment.

If you love her then I'd try all you can to get through this & talk to professionals for further advice.

Otoh, if you split up, you could both still lead happy & fulfilling lives

If she’s not going to front up to whatever is (obviously) bothering her then what future do you have in that relationship? Surely it’s better to have as clean a break, now, as you can manage. Certainly before there’s a child in the equation.

If you were a woman describing your male DP then the advice would usually be to look for signs of an affair. It might be that - any changes to how she uses her phone / guards her laptop etc? In your case I suspect that there may be some resentment on her part over the fertility situation. Not fair on you, obviously, but people often can’t help their reactions to not getting something they want.

All she does is critisise me, nothing i do is good enough.

I wonder if she is depressed. Having to come to terms with the fact that she won't now have children (and assuming you're roughly the same age it would be increasingly difficult for her even if she left you and met someone else) is a very big thing.

It's not fair for her to take it out on you, though.

Have you asked her to consider going to counselling? (Together)

A few things jumped out at me here. Why haven't you been trying for a year? Was that down to you by chance? If so, I'd say she's resentful.

But also, if you've tried to get her pregnant for 5 years with donated healthy sperm, this would indicate to me, that she isn't fertile either.

How old is she?

That aside, if it's been awful for 2 years, I probably would call it a day.