Will seperating with H cause DS's behaviour to go further downhill?

[BettyBo33]

A bit of a crystal ball question and looking for anyone with experience of this situation. DS is in year 9. Behaviour has taken a turn this school year. Low level disruption, answering back etc It has escalated and whilst he could be doing worse it's not acceptable. He's just come home with another detention under his belt. I'm at a loss. On the other side my and H are not okay. He cheated on me 14 months ago and though I wanted to make it work it's not the same. At home things are ok. We don't argue or anything like that but I'm sure it has impacted all DC even if they don't know. I guess I'm now torn or even more torn, between staying and going especially with DS as things are. Us splitting now may cause an escalation in his behaviour. I know as a teen when my parents split acted out massively. My marriage is in the shitter and my eldest is acting out. I'm trying to hold it together and I'm exhausted.Any advice or experience of this?

No-one can possibly know on this one.
My DD went out of control when I split with my ExH.
She really turned a corn at about age 16.
She's great now but it was a rough few years!
I've no advice.
I couldn't stay with ExH when he cheated.
It's my deal breaker.
Have you have counselling together?
Does your DH except full responsibility for the affair etc...???

ACCEPT!!!
Doh!

Does he know what has been going on? Is there a lot of tension in the air? You might not argue but kids pick up on it. I think its easy to put down behavior to the most obvious cause and it might not be that at all, its a difficult age for boys.

My DS is a bit younger, he was starting to have anger outbursts before I left my ex, which continued for a few months. Now we are more settled he is like a different child again.

Could you ask about counselling maybe for him? Can you sit and chat to him? I think honest age appropriate chats help a lot with both you and your husband, but you need to be on the same page.

Both my kids behaviour escalated when my STBX left (Runaway Husband) and because he won't communicate with me, not even about the kids and hates me, me and the kids argue all the time. It's awful. Maybe your marriage style isn't working for you (no arguing) because you're both effectively burying your emotions. Arguments clear the air. Andrew Marshall and John Gottman authors, can explain it better than I can.