Last night I went out for a few drinks with some friends, it turned into a bit of a pub-crawl when we decided to stay out a bit later than usual and make a night of it.
Anyway I got back in about midnight and was feely quite drunk. I made myself something to eat and whilst sat there watching TV I felt myself getting really angry over silly things that have happened in the past, things as petty as me getting the blame for something I didnt do as a child. Just lately my sister has been irritating me, going on about her new house and her bank accounts etcm it annoys me because she preaches to everyone about how hard they work for what they have and the truth of it is she did sod all for years when her ex left her and then married someone who had already achieved stuff and takes part responcibilty for it. So, I decided to give her a phone , it started off ok but I soon started with a few sarcy comments about her house etc which she ignored at first but I couldn't help it and I just let go, told her exactly how she irritates everyone, I told her that the whole family laughs at her everytime she speaks, I told her that nobody likes her husband even though they pretend to and when she tried to get off the phone I started getting to ridiculous levels going as far as to tell her that the way she walks irritates me and that its her own fault she's fat because she eats crap etc.
She put the phone down on me in the end and for some stupid reason I felt better when I came off the phone so I gave my DP a ring too and did the same to him, albiet on a smaller scale, told him I don't see a future with us as he's a nobody and a 'dreamer' etc
Anyway I woke up this morning and it took a good 10 minutes before I remembered what I'd done and tried to work out whether I'd been dreaming or not, then I got a text off my DP just saying "we need to talk".
I can't believe I was so bloody nasty and childish, I can't believe how drunk I let myself get and how selfish I was to give them a hard time and then laugh about it when I came off the phone. I've not heard from my sister.
I've been trying to think of a way to apologise all day but I darnt contact her, Im terrified of what my DP is going to say too, I can't even recall half of the stuff I said to him.
I feel so embarrassed and upset, how should I handle this? should I leave them to contact me?