advice for a paranoid new dater...

[warwick87]

First off - I've been on my own for around 7 years since I found my ex DH had been cheating on me. With how our DC were treated by him and new wife, and my lack of confidence, I hadn't felt ready to try dating again till a few months ago.

I joined one of the OLD sites, and met a couple of chaps quite quickly, one of whom I have seen a lot more of, and we've been casually seeing each other for around 8 weeks now. This chap travels a lot with business, and so our times together have tended to be one night at weekends and a date night in the week. We message a fair bit, never particularly lovey-dovey, although a bit flirty at times.

Everything seems to be going really well, and he's given me no reason to distrust him - he's met my DC (who are older teens), and seems to cope really well with them. I know that he has bought me presents for Christmas, and when we're together - everything seems really wonderful.

My problem is - he doesn't always reply quickly to texts, but usually replies within a day - this is no different now than when we first met, doesn't always answer questions that I might ask, and finally - he seems to be active online on the OLD site where we met. I have seen reviews on the internet that say if you open an email, or have the app on your phone and don't log out, that it registers you as active, so there could be a reasonable explanation.

I've been so hurt by what happened with ex-DH that I do feel very anxious and paranoid, but don't want to risk ruining things.

What would you do? Thanks for any advice

I OP, I totally understand your nervousness.

I had a long term relationship once that ended in disaster and scarred me for a long time. When I met my now DP, he was very much similar in terms of the texting back.

I took this very hard and was very paranoid about it and a lot of people told me that he wasn't really that into me which hurt.

Eventually in time we moved in together and because I was around him more I could see that his habits with his phone were the same and it wasn't personal at all. He just isn't a texter at all. I'd be sat on the sofa with him and he'd leave his phone next to me, get up and walk off and I'd see a text come through from say a friend or his Dad and I'd say "you've got a message from your Dad" and he'd be like "oh, I'll look at it later" he's just never attentive with his phone whether that be me, his friends or family and pretty crap at texting back!

So I'm pretty glad I have him the benefit of the doubt and stayed with him (where others said leave him he's not interested if he doesn't text you back straight away) some people are really just not into their phones that's all. I really wouldn't have thought in your situation it's a personal thing since you have such a great time together?

Focus on the time that you spend together. And as the relationship moves from "casual" to "serious" then would be the time say, so it's official now, I'm going to take myself off all the dating websites...and you? And see what he says.

I agree with JessyBear90. So hard not to be paranoid after a bad experience but I know so many people (male and female) with very similar phone habits. Take it slowly - it will be better for you both. I'm just beginning to dip a toe in the water (just by coming on here - not even OLD yet!), so will often be checking my reactions to things on here (like why no-one is swiping left. Or is it right? .

Slow it down, smoke the peace pip & try not to be too needy on the text front. It’s an added complication in the modern dating game.
A lot of people find texting tedious, especially when there is no purpose or reason for a text.