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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this the end?

3 replies

Gamer67 · 12/12/2017 16:24

I’ve been married for 5 years, together for 12 years in total but recently me and my DH have been arguing almost constantly.

It all stems from me feeling insecure about a female work colleague he is very close to and has been travelling with a lot recently for work business. I have had a conversation with him about the things he has been doing which have created these insecurities like for example:-

Walking alongside her in the corridor and leaving me like the odd one out
Going for lunch with her and not me
Sorting out all her travel arrangements when I feel like he isn’t mentally there for me like he has been before
Inviting her to have dinner with his family in London when they are both together on business
Not calling me when he is away with work for days and days on end

We both work for the same company so I can see how much time he spends with her and see how happy he is in comparison to at home.

In a couple of days he will be away with her again on business and I will have my brothers court sentencing which as you can imagine is causing me no end of conflicting confusing emotions and he has decided to go on this business trip rather than stay and support me. He asked me if I was ok with it but I felt backed into a corner like we have so unhappy that if I took this opportunity away from him I would be the bad guy.

I’m at the end of my tether and feel so stupid about it all. I’m not sure what the future holds but I know that I never used to be this crazy miserable person before.

We have kids and a life together so I try so hard to make it work but a lot of the time he doesn’t think about how his decisions would affect me and I feel like I’m holding this up on my own and he’s just getting on with his life.

I can feel us drifting further and further apart and all I want is to go back to the way it used to be.

I suffer horribly with anxiety and depression which he is aware of but I just feel like such a burden to him.

Apologies for the rant

OP posts:
NoCanoe · 12/12/2017 18:37

How long have they been working so closely together?
And the no phoning whilst he is away? Is that a change from his normal pattern?
How serious is the sentencing hearing? If brother likely to get non custodial term, I can see your husband thinking you will be fine. If custody likely, then I would have expected his support on such a day, assuming work could give him the time off.

Iamok0303 · 13/12/2017 08:44

Sounds like he is investing in her

hellsbellsmelons · 13/12/2017 08:49

It would be the end for me.
I wouldn't put up with that.
But this is you and your life and your family.
Would he agree to couples therapy/counselling?
Have you told him exactly how you feel about everything?
Stating to him exactly what you have told us?
This is NOT OK.
You do NOT have to be OK with this.

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