Hi all.
I need some advice as I am not handling a situation well at the moment and don't really have anyone I can confide in.
I have been with my fiancee for nearly 15 years. We have split up a few times over the years but never for very long. Finally in 2015 he proposed to me and we bought a house together and all was going well.
Then in May last year we had a massive argument (I can't remember what about now) and he said 'I am glad I cheated on you...' When we had both calmed down I asked him whether this was true and he said it wasn't, he had just said it to hurt me. The following morning I checked his phone and there were a number of texts between him and a woman that were sexual in nature. We had another argument and I threatened to leave. He told me that she was someone he went to school with and that he had slept with her once and then ended it. I was devastated but we somehow managed to get through it.
A couple of months later I found out that his friend had been having an affair with someone he worked with. His friend had confided in my partner and he let it slip to me in conversation. I didn't know what to say as I am friend's with this guy and his girlfriend so I did what I thought was best and didn't say anything.
In August we found out we were having a baby. We were both over the moon and happy to be adding to our family. The baby was born in April and despite a few difficult weeks in hospital we came through it together.
Then by the end of May he had started working late. I was dealing with a lot of guilt about not being able to breast feed and my son also had colic so some days were more difficult than others. I repeatedly said that I needed him home more and he would for a few days and then he would be working late again. He started to mention a work colleague's name all the time. They had an erratic working relationship where one minute they wouldn't get on and then in the next instant she would be sharing with him information about her difficult childhood and problems she was having with her boyfriend.
I asked him several times if there was anything going on and he said there wasn't.
This week he was late home again. We had an agreement that we would cook together at least one night a week and he didn't come home until after 8.30. I was very angry and upset.
On the Friday before he went out on a work night out he told me he had had enough of lying and he needed to confess that he hadn't in fact cheated on me last year but was covering for his friend. His friend's girlfriend had been through his phone so instead my partner was receiving messages on his behalf and then sending them to him. I said I didn't believe him but he kept insisting this was the case.
On the Saturday morning I asked if he had been lying about anything else and he then admitted to being in love with the woman from work. She doesn't know and is happy with her boyfriend and so he hasn't said anything. He had put in a request to join a different department so he doesn't have to work with her anymore as he says he still loves me and wants to be with me but he loves us both the same.
I have been through a range of emotions since Saturday. I don't know what is the truth and what are lies anymore. I can see his trying to make steps to distance himself but I am more angry that he let me raise our son pretty much on my own whilst he spent his time with her.
I don't particularly want to end a relationship particularly when we have an 8 month old but every time I look at him I feel so much hurt and sadness.
Sorry for the long winded post but really need some advice on how to handle this.
Thanks x