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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you...

4 replies

PineappleExpress · 12/12/2017 09:47

...be in a relationship with someone who admitted they still had feelings for their ex, and when questioned if they would ever get back with them said that it didn't matter because ex would never be interested?

I was talking to a friend the other day and I said maybe he should take more time to get over his break up as he hadn't really had much time properly alone, as he started meeting/dating people one week after his ex left, and if he still has feelings for her he should make sure that is gone, so the new person doesn't get hurt.

I was shocked when he said that was his response to her question about getting back together, and it would set alarm bells ringing, if someone said that to me.

He also said that he's still not sure if it's a problem that she has a kid (kid is 18months) - he has none of his own and has always wanted to have his own before becoming part of a ready made family.

The day after our conversation about whether he is ready for this or any other relationship just yet, they spoke on the phone/text each other and decided to officially (you know it's not official until it's on FB!) be boyfriend and girlfriend, which he 'wasn't ready for' when we spoke.

I know I need to just let them get on with it, and I will keep my opinions to myself from now on, but I'm curious to know what other people think, and if it's normal/healthy to get into a new relationship while feeling that way/with someone who you know feels that way

OP posts:
PineappleExpress · 12/12/2017 09:48

Sorry I couldn't think of a better title!

OP posts:
NewLevelsOfTiredness · 12/12/2017 10:14

No, I wouldn't. I'd need them to be able to categorically tell me they would never get back with their ex.

When I got with my girlfriend, she had two little daughters as part of the deal. I did ask her this because:

  • I knew that she hated that her family dream had failed, and stayed with him long past the point she should have left to try and salvage it.
  • If we were going to be serious I would be investing heavily into these little girls, emotionally, and I would have no rights to continue seeing them if after a couple of years she decided to give the nuclear family another shot.

So I had to be sure. Luckily she didn't even have to hesitate in answering!

PineappleExpress · 12/12/2017 15:17

Thanks for the reply. So glad your girlfriend had no hesitations! Smile

OP posts:
Bananacabana · 12/12/2017 15:28

Definitely not. They'd still be emotionally attached to their ex and therefore wouldn't be able to give you their undivided love and attention. You'd always be comparing yourself (and maybe they'd be comparing you to) and trying to win them over.

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