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Relationships

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Original poster

OLD - Is this a red flag?

22 replies

ByronsMummy · 12/12/2017 08:41

Hi
Recently met a really promising bloke on POF. Had a couple of dates, ticks loads of boxes, both want the same things, attracted to each other, don't stop talking when we are together etc. We had an online convo last night about sex and our expectations and this what he said:-
"I don't have any must try this or that, I'm happy to try whatever you are in the mood for. I crammed a shed load of fulfilment into 3.5yrs when I was single (after break-up) so I'm not one of these that need to fulfil this or that. I've done it til I didn't need to and will now do whatever, just for the pleasure of it"
At first I thought he just said this to reassure me but after thinking about it all night, I'm not sure if he sounds a bit deviant, lol. I'm 50, he's 48. I like sex and have told him this. I'm no prude but just worried about what he could have been 'into'.
Should I be alarmed? What do others think?
I'm not new to OLD. Had my fair share of men just looking for a hook-up, being ghosted, over investing before even meeting up (lol).
I just so like this guy so far but I don't want that to cloud my judgement.
Thanks for reading. Love you Mumsnetters!! x

OP posts:

Pinkitis · 12/12/2017 08:46

I think he's saying the opposite, isn't he? I've done everything and don't need to do it any more.

It would put me off a bit. He could be bragging or covering up for the fact he is very staid or has a low sex drive.

I wouldn't be discussing or analysing attitudes to sex too much when you have only met twice. Why don't you just go with the flow?

FizzyGreenWater · 12/12/2017 12:08

Well it's a bit MUCH if you see what I mean. Comes across a bit tmi.

But you were having that precise discussion.

I think this is a case of wait and see.

NotTheFordType · 12/12/2017 12:11

Assuming you were talking about sex, no it's not a red flag whatsoever.

Are you looking for a reason to not see him again? If you don't like him then just don't see him, no biggie.

WellDoneTiger · 12/12/2017 12:13

What's OLD? I would think a bit TMI. Who was he fulfilling himself with in those 3.5 years? Wasn't he able to get what he wanted at home? If he gets his kicks when he's single, that would send alarm bells ringing for me a bit. I think you are hearing bells or you wouldn't have posted!

Karigan1 · 12/12/2017 12:15

Meh you’re talking about sex he’s being open I wouldn’t worry about what he’s done in the past unless there’s any suggestion it’s illegal. Have fun, find out more about what he likes andjust see if you’re compatible. One persons kinky may be another persons daily sex and there are so many shades of grey (no pun intended) you can’t really decide on just that small bit of info.

K0729P · 12/12/2017 12:19

I wouldn't be too concerned. It seems to me more of a "I'm not going to be into weird and wild stuff" (a been there done that sort of thing) and will just see how it goes between the two of you and what you both like.

debbs77 · 12/12/2017 12:23

Nope nothing to worry about!

ThisLittleKitty · 12/12/2017 12:23

I've seen old so much on here and it finally clicked it was Online dating?? Or have I got it wrong?
Anyway sounds abit full on to me. It would put me off.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 13/12/2017 09:57

I think it was a nice thing to say - that he's trying to reassure you. He doesn't need to prove anything anymore, he's done a lot of exploration, probably got a lot of stuff out of his system - maybe a bit of kink maybe not - but so what? So, you guys can just take sex easily and see how it goes.

PricklyBall · 13/12/2017 10:10

On the face of it, I'd say it was meant as reassurance. I've heard a lot of women say that one of their problems with OLD is porn-saturated men with a tick list of stuff that must be tried otherwise you are not sufficiently adventurous for them. It sounds like this man may be aware of that as a problem and wants to let you know that he does not have a tick list, that he sees sex as being about mutual pleasure rather than notching up "extreme sports" points, and that he's happy to be led by you.

That said, if there was something about the way it was said that leaves you feeling uncomfortable, listen to those feelings. Gut instincts about other people, especially about their sexual behaviour and your comfort round their sexual behaviour, should not be disregarded lightly.

Aridane · 13/12/2017 10:18

I think it sounds a bit odd

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 13/12/2017 10:41

It wouldn't worry me in the slightest. He doesn't sound remotely deviant and from what you've posted he's just saying he's got a lot out of his system.

TheNaze73 · 13/12/2017 18:36

Him being honest is a red flag??

I really think you have nothing to worry about

LaGattaNera · 13/12/2017 19:06

"I don't have any must try this or that, I'm happy to try whatever you are in the mood for.

for me this sentence would be enough. I would think great sounds good to me.

The next bit sounds rather boastful about the amount of sex he has had over the last 3.5 years and to me suggests casual hedonistic sex. No problem with that but personally I wouldn't really want to hear this - just leave it unsaid.

"I crammed a shed load of fulfilment into 3.5yrs when I was single (after break-up) so I'm not one of these that need to fulfil this or that. I've done it til I didn't need to and will now do whatever, just for the pleasure of it"

sonjadog · 13/12/2017 19:49

I think it is positive. He is saying that he has experienced a lot of different sorts of sex and is happy to go along with what suits you rather than pushing his own agenda. What I would take from it is that he is open about his sex life, has had a fair bit and has probably been fairly adventurous in what he has tried out.

RatRolyPoly · 13/12/2017 19:53

Sounds fine to me.

Ellisandra · 13/12/2017 21:39

It wouldn't be a red flag for me that he's had sex and is prepared to talk about it.
But - sorry - he sounds like a nob. Cramming fulfilment? Just sounds odd.

pameladoove · 13/12/2017 21:52

It just sounds like he shagged tons of women after his last break up and tried loads of stuff.

That may not bother you, but it'd bother me. A personal thing, I guess.

Chippyway · 13/12/2017 22:03

He was single. Was free to have sex with whoever wanted to have sex with him as well. Of course he’s going to use that opportunity to try new things.

Would you rather he lie ??

What on the earth is the problem here??

eastlondoner · 13/12/2017 22:16

Doesn't sound like a red flag to me.

Jellyheadbang · 14/12/2017 01:54

I think he is very matter of fact about it. I like openness and honesty and have had lots of encounters and done much experimenting myself but for some reason I would not be overseen on sharing this info or having someone reveal it to me unless we were starting something which is predominantly sexual.

Jellyheadbang · 14/12/2017 01:54

*overkeen not overseen...

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