Mumsnet, I need your help

[TheQuestingVole]

I’m hoping that the night watch on MN can help me out.

I need urgent advice on what to do about someone who I think is just absolutely wonderful – the kindest, loveliest, most compassionate, funny and intelligent man I have ever met.

I met him at work over a year ago now. During this time I slooowly realised that he had a crush on me, initially panicked, then realised that he was Mr Integrity and wasn’t going to put someone who worked in his wider team in a difficult position. Then I stopped worrying about it and decided that, actually, he was terrific.

Unfortunately I fear I have developed the dreaded mentionitis, as friends have said “it would be great if you could meet someone like X who is your age.”

The catch - he is significantly older and more senior than me at work and (I am pretty sure) has not realised how old I actually am. I am 36 and he is about 51, I think, but it’s very likely he thinks I am significantly younger as I look very young for my age and was in a trainee post while I was working in his area - I know he said something at some point that implied he thought I was under 30. He is long termly single, as am I.

I don’t work for him anymore as I changed jobs about 2 months ago.

COMPLETELY by accident, I have been invited to a Christmas drinks party tomorrow (today?) night he is hosting for his staff. I fear I would be gatecrashing slightly if I go – but I haven't seen him for two months and miss him enormously. Is it at all reasonable to go? Is it going to be completely awful and weird if I turn up? My immediate team has also been invited but I don’t know if any of them are going.

I am seriously shit at this sort of thing and suspect he is too.

I would go, can you drag someone from your immediate team with you?

How have you accidently been invited?

15/16year age gap is fine! Personally, it is a preference of mine. Go, enjoy yourself and give both of you a chance by seizing the opportunity to be happy. Follow your bliss!!! Oh, and please let us know how it goes!!!

Definitely go - presumably whoever invited you will be there?
Be open and friendly with him and see how he reacts to you. In reality us there a chance he has moved on in those intervening months? Do you know of he is still single?
He fancied you when he thought yo were 20 something so if he's put off by you actually being in your 30's then I'd run anyway lol. As it is, do you have a birthday coming up? Conversation abpit looming 40th etc?
Just take tomorrow slow and of you reconnect say it would be lovely to see him again, perhaps you could catch up at sea point etc?

Er, no, you HAVE to go to the party.

Can't you text one of your immediate team and see who's going?

Do you think your perceived age would put him off or what? 36 is still young

I don't understand.

You are both single.
You are both adults.
He is not your supervisor, and you no longer work directly together.

What's the problem?

Why in the world would a 36 year old woman be too old for a man 15 years older than her?

Have fun at the party.

Go to the party!!!!! Have a great time, be lovely and light and breezy and chatty and let us know how you get on ......my first husband was 14 years older than me and it worked wonderfully...have fun xx

I understood op to mean he didnt ask her out originally as he feared she was too young. But if he realised she was 36 he might see that age is not a problem. Go to the party but make sure you have someone to hang out with there.

Of course you should go! Make sure the first thing you say is 'it's almost my birthday, the big 3-7.'

Seems like the universe is basically handing you this relationship on a plate - I don't think you have any choice but to go and charm his socks off.

Go go go go go!

This has Medicare me all smiley! Go and chat to him and arrange to see him again!

Medicare!!!! - made me!

Damn auto correct

I am with others, go along and have a wonderful time. If you get chatting its a bonus!