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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't really know if it can be fixed now

6 replies

Joliv123 · 11/12/2017 22:29

I posted on here in October when my long term partner of 13 years, who I live with and have a house together but the kids are mine from a previous relationship, my daughter lives with us, she is 16 , son just gone to uni. Anyway a couple of months back we had a row, over something and nothing, he made a massive deal of it, at the time it felt weird , that night he moved into the spare room, said it was over , we have had rows before , he often threatens to leave, but goes to bed and we make up the next few days, this time he didn't speak to me , I tried to speak he said his head was all over the place, then I found tooth whitening stuff, odd, he dies do that sort of grooming , anyway the. I found out he was on a dating site, I confronted him, he tried to still say he didn't know what was going on in his head about us, then I dropped the bombshell I knew he had uploaded on the site , he then said yeah I cannot denie it, we talked and split up, after 4 days he said he made a mistake, sorry wanted to work things through, but all the time trying to say it wackos much me as him, maybe that's right, he said he thought I was going to leave him, I have not behaved any differently, I love him, it's all so unexpected. Didn't talk again he kept avoiding me then this weekend again he was trying to patch things up, but when I said about the dating site he said he only replied to message sent to him, like that's ok, he had paid for the subscription, I don't think I can forgive him, he might be going through a mid life crisis , he just turned 50 , I love him but my head says leave, my daughter thinks I can do so much better, she sees how he talks to me and doesn't help round the house , I'm so confused and upset

OP posts:
Annelind · 11/12/2017 22:40

Get rid. Stop making excuses for him like MLC. Listen to your daughter.

happygolulu · 12/12/2017 18:27

I have had a similar experience and just out of a 5 year relationship. Interestingly it was my son, back from 2 years travelling in Australia after uni, who said to me he couldn't see where my DP was taking me in life. There were no goals, no plans, he didn't want to get married. My son said DP was just co-existing and not putting much into the relationship to the point that my son said he was worried I was not being looked after and wasn't going to be looked after properly as I got older. Maybe ask yourself similar questions or do one of those lists - what is working and what is not? If you feel you have enough to salvage, sit down with your partner and talk about your hopes for the future? See if he is singing from the same page where your future is concerned and if not, then you have your answer. Good luck

Joliv123 · 12/12/2017 22:09

Thank happygolulu that's good advice, he has never wanted to get married I very much did , but gave up on that one years ago, thought it didn't matter that much, but actually is important to me, old age ... I had never really considered but your son is right , it is important to consider , I think we have been just co existing for a while , I'll do a list and consider my future , my choices, do what's best for me and him also 😃

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hellsbellsmelons · 13/12/2017 09:03

Crikey - re-read your post and dump the asshole!
Your DD is very wise for a 16 YO.
Listen to her.
What is the house situation?
Did you buy together?
Rent together?

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 13/12/2017 09:09

You may well ‘love him’. But he clearly doesn’t love you. Dump his sorry arse and walk away with some dignity.
He’s joined a dating site and that says more than words ever can.

Just walk away and never look back. You really are better off single than being with a useless lying cheat.

Joliv123 · 13/12/2017 22:13

We bought together, earn similar amount , pay half each for bill and morgage , I put down huge deposit which I will get back from equity from previous home, he didn't have any deposit, I actually think that's it, he has considered his financial situation without me and is now trying to cling on, I agree he doesn't love me his behaviour doesn't make me think he wants me , I'm going to end this ,thanks all

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