I think dh doesn’t love me anymore

[Faz2015]

after 8 yrs of marriage and two dds, I think my dh has fallen out of love with me..I’m a Sahm and I don’t know what to do... I’m sad and lonely and lost... i have my family 7 yrs of my life avd now I’m fatter, Frumpier, boring and loveless... I don’t know where to go from here... dh hasn’t asked for divorce yet thank god...but he has checked out on me and this relationship 😔Dh

You can’t “make it work” alone. If he is unwilling to be a decent partner and father and would prefer to “live separate lives” it’d be sensible to LTB.

He hasn’t spoken to me for nearly 10 days now... I tried yesterday avd he walked away while i was mid conversation.. i asked him what does he want from this relationship he said he doesn’t know and to leave him alone... so

So sorry to learn about what you go through. Does your DH have a job that involves technology/computer? Generally the tech geeks tend to be too much into their computer.

Or did you see if he has any other extra-marital affair? If not, then you initiate and reconnect with him. Ask him if you can go for a trip outside the city and spend time together.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry and I know it's easy to make assumptions but this is classic behaviour from a man who is focused on another woman. I suspect you accusing him of that was more accurate than you realise. Truly he is acting 'the script'.

Please don't think this is anything of your fault - you are raising his children and have created a lovely home life while he feels free to treat you with contempt.

I know (been there, done that) how hard it is not to beg for crumbs from his table when you feel so frightened and vulnerable in the face of his coldness, but the only stance that may make him sit up and take notice is to become cool, calm and collected - even if you have to fake it. Take a step back and see this for what it is - a shit of a man treating precious children and his loving wife with no thought, compassion or care.

Do you have access to his phone? I am so sorry. I completely understand your misery and how agonising this is

That's passive aggressive on his part. In many ways it's as bad as aggressive aggressive. He's just chipping away at your self esteem bit by bit when he gives you the silent treatment like that.

Have you sat down and properly asked yourself why you want to be with this man? Not the man he was when you married, or the the man that you hope he might be.

The man he is now. Not speaking to you for 10 days.

His silent treatment of you is emotionally abusive.

Have to say I agree I think at the very least he's had a one night stand but as he was so determined to go to the office do (which lets be honest most people dread) it's likely he already had his eye on someone.

He's a shit, get out while you can sorry op

I had access to his personal phone... but now he has changed the password... I never had access to his work.. due to his work intellectual property..

He is in technology sector... the going away will never work as we don’t have family here.. His family are abroad and I don’t have any family as my parents died 12 yrs ago and I’m only child...

Earlier this year after arguments we planned on taking turns to Tara he date night... i arranged two and he only did one avd he never arranged date night when it was his turn...

Tbh I don’t think he’s had an affair as he’s always home on weekends and home every night... maybe one night stand

I think he’s emotionally and mentally not with me anymore.. and he is happily living life of coming home to kids

He may be happy, but you’re not, and you have options.

The changing of the password is pretty telling.

And please don't believe he has no opportunity for an affair - if it's someone at work, and his behaviour over his work evening out would suggest that, he has all day with OW. My H was having an affair with a work colleague and would have sex with her at lunchtime at a location off site while telling others he was out for a run...

That is true... I don’t know about anyone or anything at his work... he used to tell me bits and bobs but now nothing... if I ask he just says it’s work stuff why do you need to know... it’s ever since his company merged with another that he started gym( although all of a sudden he stopped going from last month) participating in all bake offs ( although didn’t bake me a cake for my birthday got Me a Tesco one) he says it’s for work and social committee 😐

For Halloween he baked a cake for work.. pretended with dds that he’s baking with them.. stayed up till one baking and icing it.. left dds the shavings avd brought home the left overs..

Oh boy! Yea my ex was cheating at work, empty offices, car etc just he's home eve/weekends means nothing I'm afraid.

Gym - wanting to improve appearance

Phone passcode changed

Taking up a hobby that can be used to impress someone at work

Not looking good is it. Sorry op this is shit. Please protect yourself as best you can.

He sounds like a selfish prick, at best. Why are you putting up with his treatment of you and the DDs?

What a nasty man. Get yourself in a position to leave him. I would give him what he wants. Not speak to him or be in the same room as him. Maybe he will realise that it's your choice to if you want to leave. Might make him realise how much he loves you.

Are you still sharing a room at the moment? I would make a bed up else where and make a point of sleeping in it.

Sorry for late response... yes are still sharing bed... although we are both at opposite ends..

Some friends are out for dinner with their friends and I just realised that dh hasn’t gone out for dinner as family since August... every time i ask he says too expensive.. he will get take away once in a while but my poor dds haven’t been out for dinner since August... he doesn’t want to do museums, parks... all he wants to do is stay at home...

Even when I booked panto even then he couldn’t be bothered to make it... cos him going out drinking was more important... today my 3 yr old was telling my friend how her Daddy wasn’t at the panto when the scary sisters( Cinderella) came... I hate him for treating us like this... don’t know why I’m writing here.. I can’t talk about this friends as most are family friends

I would ignore this for now and focus on yourself.
Take up a hobby, join the gym, start socialising with your friends. It may just have become stale and he sees you only as the mother of his children, independence is the biggest attraction mentally and physically.

Either way you will be prepared if he doesn't love you by having your own fulfilled life or it may wake him up to seeing you as his amazing wife again and rekindle some of this feelings.

Beingsunny... yes your right that’s what I’m going to do... I’ll start prioritising myself and my dds instead of waiting for him to complete us as a family..

@Faz2015 After reading further about your messages I would say its best to leave him. Perhaps he has feelings for someone else at work.

Actually after latest update I'm wondering if he could be depressed. Doesn't necessarily mean he's being faithful but it could be both, or either.

He doesn’t sound like a very good dad. What were his own parents like?

He definitely sounds as though he’s checked out of the family. My exh did this, never wanted to come with us to the park etc. It’s not great for the kids, they will pick up on his lack of interest at some point.

I’d go and see a solicitor in your position, find out what divorce would look like for you.