Anyone struggled to be in a relationship after emotional abuse?

[Diamondskyofblack]

From 17-20 I was in a relationship with an emotionally abusive man.

I'm nearly 30 now and have never been in another relationship. For the first few years it didn't bother me, I was having plenty of fun and didn't want to be tied down. For the last year or two though I've been thinking about being with someone again. However, I think there's something wrong with me. I'm only attracted to men I can't have for whatever reason, and the few lovely men who've asked me out I've rejected because I just don't fancy them (and I really wish I did).

I don't know if I'm creating problems for myself because I'm scared of ending up back in that horrible relationship I had when I was 20. Last night I went out with a great friend who I know would like to be more, but I just can't bring myself to go any further with him and then can't work out if it's just that I simply don't fancy him or something's psychologically preventing me. Has anyone else struggled to get into a relationship after leaving an emotionally abusive one?

Yes I'm similar. I feel I might be broken. It's only been a year for me, but I'm nowhere near healed.

Ah Faron, that's awful

I don't know if it helps at all, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. 10 years on from leaving him and I'm happy, confident, and barely recognise the woman in that relationship any more. The only lingering thought is a fear I might meet someone like him again. But even if I do, I've armed myself with knowing what the early red flags are now. It will get better for you in time.

This is what I'm struggling with at the moment. Most of my 20's I was in an EA relationship, at 32 I left this year. The only major crush I've had since was with someone who I could never have/who would probably have also been EA to me.

I think what you need to do now is work on yourself. Work on your fears in relationships - sometimes we are also attracted to people we know we can't have because we actually aren't ready for someone to like us yet. It can also come from childhood. For example, my mum was very critical to me, so I like to go for people who are also extra critical to me as it feels safe.

It has been a while that you have been single. What I would say is start realising what you deserve in a relationship. E.g, someone to treat you well, respect you etc. If you go on dates and someone treats you like you deserve, give them another chance. Just because you may not be sure of your feelings for them, I think you shouldn't give up on these people just because of that. It just may take time for you to learn to change the people you are attracted to.

It's hard though, I'm still trying to get over my crush and start liking the 'right' guys. It's like I'm having to train myself to like the right people now. So weird.

Yes. I was married to a physically and emotionally abusive man for 20+ years.

All my relationships have basically involved men using me for money, sex, mummy, whatever. I have never ever had any practical or emotional support.

I have no desire at all to be in another relationship. I have no more of myself to give and I see no benefit to me at all in being in a relationship.