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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How bad was this?

21 replies

Lockedinas · 10/12/2017 20:13

I know this wasn’t normal but I’m not sure how abusive it was.

When I was at university and living with my boyfriend, he would go out to work during the day and take the keys with him, locking me in in other words. It was a flat so couldn’t get out via a window or similar. If I tried to protest he’d demand to know why I wanted to go out without him.

Now I’ve written that down that’s pretty bad isn’t it

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 10/12/2017 20:14

eer....yes. very bad.

SpartonDregs · 10/12/2017 20:15

yes. very bad.

Marissa2727 · 10/12/2017 20:15

Yes it is, my ex did similar things. Took me a long time to realise it was abuse. It becomes normal and is hard to see until you look back.

ThisLittleKitty · 10/12/2017 20:17

Very bad

Original poster

Lockedinas · 10/12/2017 20:20

Thanks ... just sort of needed someone else to say it.

OP posts:

Iamok0303 · 10/12/2017 20:43

That is pretty much depriving you if your liberty, and your safety was at risk.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 10/12/2017 20:45

It's awful. It's holding you against your will. He sounds a very dangerous person. Are you still in contact with him?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 10/12/2017 20:46

It's false imprisonment.

fc301 · 10/12/2017 20:46

Erm ... saw this on tv once ... he was a serial killer. It's not good.

Frustrationqueen · 10/12/2017 20:47

I hope he is no longer your boyfriend.
That was very abusive and very dangerous

MissBax · 10/12/2017 20:48

Sorry if not OP. but haven't you posted this exact thing before?

Bananalanacake · 10/12/2017 20:49

Yes. Awful. What if you had to get to lectures/ work. Hopefully you are well rid of him.

Original poster

Lockedinas · 10/12/2017 20:51

No, MissBax. Why? I’ve never actually spoke to anybody about it.

I didn’t have lectures as it was during the summer holiday.

OP posts:

pallisers · 10/12/2017 20:54

Really bad. Terrible.

I hope you are no longer with him.

Wherever he is, he is making some woman's life a misery.

MissBax · 10/12/2017 20:58

Ah, there was someone a while ago who posted about the exact same thing!
They said their boyfriend in uni used to lock them in his apartment.
Frightening to think there's so many controlling wankers about!

Original poster

Lockedinas · 10/12/2017 21:13

It wasn’t me I promise! It’s weird I know when replicas appear, but it wasn’t me, honest.

OP posts:

MissBax · 10/12/2017 21:21

Aw don't worry, I believe you OP!
And in answer to your original question - it was definitely abusive, do you know what happened to him?

Babyblues052 · 10/12/2017 21:41

It's unforgivable. Apart for the abuse side of things what if there was a fire? You've already said you couldn't get out. Youd die!!! He was a fucking psycho.

Liara · 10/12/2017 21:46

What if there had been a fire? I'm not sure if this is a crime, but tbh it should be.

It's not just pretty bad, it's unbelievably awful and if you don't know that without even having to stop and think about it you need to recalibrate your view of what is normal in a relationship.

I mean that in the nicest possible way, really. Unless you learn what being treated normally looks like you are very likely to end up in another abusive relationship.

Original poster

Lockedinas · 10/12/2017 21:51

I know. I had quite a difficult childhood with parents who would fuss me and spoil me one minute and then the next would be quite unkind, but it wasn’t until I was quite old really, that I started to question this.

OP posts:

Liara · 11/12/2017 20:45

Well it's really really great that you are!

FWIW, you should never, ever feel scared or intimidated in a relationship. You should also never feel that you have to justify yourself when doing completely normal things, and no partner should ever 'demand' to know what you are doing when you are not with them.

And you should never, ever, ever give up your freedom.

That's just basic. You need to have that before you can even get started on a good relationship.

The good news is it is possible, and if you learn to respect yourself and make sure that others respect you, you will probably find you are no longer attractive to abusive men, but much more attractive to decent ones.

You've nothing to lose!

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