Male friend turning into a bit of a creep round other women.

[lolaflores]

Well, he is turning into a person I knew once.
He has turned into a predatory, pestery type. Of late he has taken to hitting on most women that he comes into contact with. The most recent relationship he had has fallen apart (which has become a pattern). He has pestered the woman to the point where she is sending him very clear texts saying she can't deal with him but he won't stop.
This behaviour has happened before in other, relatively short lived but intense relationships. He is usually with someone for around 6 months then the woman withdraws and there are tears and drama for about another 2 weeks and he meets someone else. She becomes his one and only ....etc.

I pointed out to him that the woman was telling him but he couldn't or wouldn't accept it, kept bursting into tears, saying he missed her then getting angry and using obscene language which I pulled him on and he back pedalled from.
Recently a friend disclosed to me that he was very pushy with her following a first date which didn't turn into a second one. He has made a couple of remarks to me which I let slide but am now kicking myself that I didn't repel him earlier.
i am ashamed of him and myself to a degree. Was he ever a decent man or just masquerading?

Further to which, I am trying to disengage with him but he is so relentless, self absorbed (or has become so or I hadn't noticed before). I have known him for around 19 years. I myself am married and I have discussed his behaviour with my husband who is starting to raise eyebrows.
Thing is, next week he is coming to visit nearby and I know he wants to catch up and I don't think I can be near him...

We live quite some distance apart and all of our contact is email, messenger etc. Last time I physically saw him was 18 months ago.

He’s an adult - you’re not responsible for him.

So you have tried to tell him, and he isn't having any, is he. He sounds like a potential stalker, tbh. I would disengage, and have many excuses why you are too busy to meet.

Do not be friends with this man, block him on every platform and don't look back he sounds like a manipulative bastard with some really deep seated issues far more than regular just an arsehole run of the mill stuff.

Personally I’d stop being polite about it. I’d call him on the specifics and ask wtf makes him so blind and lacking in respect for the wishes of others that he can’t behave in a measured way.

Distance yourself, you can't fix him.

Joys i have been very, very blunt about what he appears to be not getting but its like a block of concrete has appeared in his head. Twice I advised him not to contact the woman and twice he just went ahead. The second time I told him what I thought and I got the sense he really wasn't fucking listening.
Riding, I have come to the conclusion there is nothing further to be done here.

Yup. If it's only long distance communication, then NC is much easier. Just do the fade away....

He hasn't contacted me for a couple of days which is great but on the other hand, I bet he has probably been badgering that poor woman again.

Sounds like you're part of his vicious cycle - when there's no woman, he comes back to you. In a way, your involvement 'feeds' him. If that's the case, then you can decide to perpetuate it or not. Good luck!

I think you should tell him, very clearly, that he is being abusive towards these women, and that his behaviour has to stop; and that you are no longer going to enable his wallowing about it, either, and that if he continues with either behaviour you're going to block him. Tell him that just onceit can be by email rather than in personand then hold fast to your words. When he behaves badly remind him that you said you'd block him, and that you now don't want him to contact you ever again.

You will probably have to block him. He will probably find ways round your blocking but if he does, don't respond. Ignore, ignore. It's sad, and it's hard, but you really don't want to be friends with an abusive pest.