Living together but being separated.

[ILoveMyFrenchie]

Anyone had any experience in separating but still living together due to children,mortgage responsibilities etc
we have been together a long time and when we have bad days i feel trapped. i will try my best to make it work as we do love each other however if it were to come down to having to separate would this be possible? To live together but have separate rooms? Anyone with experience on this I would love to hear how you make it work.
I just need a plan b in my mind in case things fall apart. I wouldn't cope financially on my own and am not willing to give up our home.
Thanks.

Are you married to each other?.

From what I have read on this subject this arrangement rarely if ever works out at all well for all concerned. I would reconsider this whole thing particularly if you are staying together for the children as well; they would rather have you apart and happier than being together and miserable in each others company.

It also takes two to make a relationship work and if you feel trapped on your bad days then clearly the relationship as a whole is not working out.

You two as adults are going to have to put your heads together and live apart; you are staying together basically and currently for your own perhaps selfish reasons. Also children are perceptive and can pick up on all the vibes both spoken and unspoken between you two. You cannot protect them from this fully.

I did this but when I was in my 20s - no children so very different circumstances. I had just moved to the other side of the uk with him and bought a flat. We broke up and I stayed there as I couldn’t leave my job and I still needed to pay the mortgage. Our rooms were on different floors of the flat (it had 3 floors my room was on the bottom and his was on the top floor, and we also had 3 separate living spaces so we didn’t actually see eachother often. I also spent a lot of time avoiding being at home (which did finally make me go to the gym) but that is likely to be impossible with children! We got back together after under a year of living like this. I know of a couple who have kids who have done it for years due to financial constraints - but I think they are pretty unhappy. I think it can be doable but I’d say it depends on your living situation and space. It’s certainly not ideal.

My parents did this. They had separate rooms, separate finances, didn't spend any time together unless I was involved (even then it was a minimum). Most of the time only one of them would be at home at any given time while the other went to spend time with friends/parents. Their contact was limited to short discussions about practical matters such as mortgage payments and who was taking me to x place etc. I can't say that they were particularly happy with the arrangement but my father at least made the most of it.

@RestingGrinchFace how was that for you, as the child in that situation?