How do you get over the emotional abuse?

[lizzieoak]

I’ve been divorced over 10 years now, two kids.

My exh was very emotionally and financially abusive. Every tiny thing I did was wrong, a lot of name-calling, told me constantly that I was trying to poison him, told other people that I was schizophrenic (I don’t have any mental illness), told me that men would be “interested because you’re pretty, in a boring sort of way, but they’ll run a mile when they see your personality.”

So ten years of being single and very lonely and really wanting to meet someone. I think part of the reason I don’t meet anyone is because men terrify me. I’d always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’ve had counselling, it wasn’t helpful (tried two counsellors and they just let me talk without challenging my beliefs).

Now what? I really want to get better, and to find a kind man, but I don’t feel I’ve moved forward much in a decade (maybe exacerbated by being bullied by 2 female bosses at work - that didn’t build my trust or confidence).

I would consider enrolling yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid. This is for those who have been in abusive relationships and this could help you no end also with regards to boundaries.

One other thing (loads, but this I found hard), he’d mock me, repeat what I’d said in a not-funny, nor meant to be funny, impression of woman’s voice and if I laughed nervously he’d mock that too.

I still have (limited) contact because of our dc who is still at school and he’s still nasty in texts where it’s utterly unnecessary.

Thanks - I’m not in the UK and I’ve just called the women’s shelter and they haven’t heard of it. Maybe I can find an online version?

May I ask where you are based; a continent will do if you do not want to specify the country you are in.

There is an online version available of the Freedom Programme and the UK based Womens Aid website has good information on it.

I would further lower all contact and only in future communicate with him through legal channels rather than directly. He is continuing to control you from a distance and is likely not above using the children to get back at you/punish you as well.

Freedom programme is great but it’s not a magic bullet.

I’m in Canada. Thanks, I’ll check it out. I am sure I want to have a partner but when men show a little interest I get very nervous. At public events I talk to women, and mostly women who I find non-threatening. It’s ridiculous after all this time, but I can’t seem to shift the nerves.

When we were married what saved me was that I knew he wasn’t normal, and that I wasn’t as useless as he said. But he’s gone and it turns out his voice is still in the background, nattering away at me.

Atilla, the contact is pretty limited as one kid is an adult now and one a teenager. But he’ll text to ask what his nephews’ names are and get nasty about ... whatever. Or I’ll have to text to remind him about missed support payments and he’ll get nasty. But it’s only maybe once a month. I can’t afford to channel everything through lawyers =:-0

Auvergne, any other suggestions? Time doesn’t seem to be helping.