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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do midlife crisis rebound relationships ever work? Or do men often regret?

16 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 10/12/2017 08:59

I'm asking because my friend's DH has left her and met another woman within two months of moving out.

He says this woman is "perfect' and they have "such a connection" and all kinds of stuff that seems so ridiculously full on, I can't imagine it's real!

He's moving in with this new woman when the lease runs out on his crappy rental flat.

OP posts:

Babyg1995 · 10/12/2017 10:12

Yes they do as sometimes it's actually not a midlife crisis and they genuinely want to be with the ow.

coffeeandchocolate4 · 10/12/2017 10:28

Were you the OW by any chance Babyg?

Original poster

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 10/12/2017 10:37

This wasn't an OW I'm pretty sure but a woman he met very quickly after leaving. He dated a lot of women very fast...online dating. Then met this particular one.

OP posts:

Original poster

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 10/12/2017 10:38

I realise this sounds like I'm posting about myself but I'm not...it's my good friend's DH and she's utterly wrecked by it all. I'm also a bit upset weirdly!

OP posts:

dontknowwhatcomesnext · 10/12/2017 10:39

Of course it’s possible. Likely? No, at least not in any way that most of us would judge as being of high quality.

ZigZagandDustin · 10/12/2017 10:41

The sort of man who leaves his wife like that tends not to have much regard for women as actual equal partners. They're just an accessory that he's become bored of. So yes, the next relationship can work because it's easy to stay with someone when they don't really mean that much to you to begin with. Until another one comes along maybe.

That's my take on why more men stray than women. Because they never saw them as an equal partner/human to begin with. Just a role-filler.

ivykaty44 · 10/12/2017 10:41

Your friends oh my have checked out of the marriage a while ago so possibly not s rebound relationship

How do we know what’s going to work or how others feel?

NotMyMonkees · 10/12/2017 10:42

Like any relationship that's too full on too fast, when they get to know each other properly it won't be so perfect. Might still be a good enough relationship, might not. But at this point it's just delusion. Awful for your friend though.

Original poster

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 10/12/2017 10:51

Zig I think he is saying he's tried for years but just hasn't got any deep love for her. Does it mean he's a bad person for leaving? I'm struggling with that. What if he's not a bastard but just doesn't love her?

Weird and hard to contemplate.

OP posts:

Aminuts23 · 10/12/2017 10:54

Sometimes people emotionally check out of a relationship a long time before actually leaving. It may not therefore be rebound at all. Who’s to say?

SandyY2K · 10/12/2017 10:56

Sometimes leaving a marriage is the right thing to do.

He may not have been happy for sometime.

I'm sorry for your friend...but I would suggest she focuses on herself and realise that she deserves a man who loves get and wants to be with her.

I'd rather my husband left if he didn't love me...then I'd have the chance to meet someone who does love me.

Peanutbuttercheese · 10/12/2017 10:58

None of us have any idea what will happen between these people. Rebound relationships are rarely a good idea for anyone because it means there is no time to reflect or heal from the previous relationship.

Really it's very hard to tolerate the boredom that being in a long term relationship creates. I seperated from DH at the beginning of this year, we had our issues and like most middle aged couples had lost our groove. Fortunately no third party so by working on those issues we are back together.

People often think they know what's going on in their relationship but no one knows what's in the heads of their partner regardless. I had emotionally checked out of my relationship many months before things came to a head. So agree may not be a rebound. I tried to speak to my DH about the issues a long time before the split, he wouldn't.

whyioughtta · 10/12/2017 11:01

My parents were together 25 years & split when my dad had his midlife crisis & had an affair with a younger (17 yrs younger) colleague. They have now been happily married 20 years & have two lovely kids. My mum got back on the dating scene very quickly & met my step dad within 4 months, he moved in within six. They've also been together 20 years.

BeerBaby · 10/12/2017 11:07

No it doesn't make him or her bad people. Its just sad that people are going to be so hurt by it. It might last it might not. Nobody, not even them know. It's easy to generalise and say he's got no respect but if he really wasn't happy then leaving was the best option for them both.

Babyg1995 · 10/12/2017 11:32

No I've never been the ow

Fairylea · 10/12/2017 12:16

My dad left my mum for the ow after being with my mum for 20 years. He moved straight in with ow and they’ve now been together 20 years or so themselves. (My Dad is very, very old now!) So yes sometimes it does work out. My mum of course was absolutely heartbroken at the time, she has been single ever since really despite a few longer term boyfriends.

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