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Original poster

Partner says he loves me and someone else

11 replies

Katty2112 · 09/12/2017 17:44

I have been with my partner for nearly 15 years and we have an 8 month old son. Last year I found some messages on his phone which indicated he had cheated on me. When I confronted him he admitted he had with someone he went to school with. We managed to work past this and then I got pregnant about 4 months later. At first things were great and he was really helpful however he then started working late. My son suffered from colic so it was difficult on me and I told him several times I needed his help.

At work he constantly mentioned a colleague who he works with and whom he has had frequent problems with. He said he didn't like her but then the next minute he would be helping her out. He would talk about her constantly. She has a boyfriend and she was having a rough patch which he helped her through and she is apparently very happy with him.

Last night he was going out on his works do and I said I was sick of hearing about how he was chatting to women when he was out. In then all came out that he hadn't in fact cheated on me last year but was covering for his friend (I did know about this as he let it slip once before). I am so confused as to why he would save his a friend from getting caught out and let me get hurt in the process.

He has now admitted that he is in love with both me and the girl he works with. She doesn't know and he wants to work on our relationship. He has asked to be moved departments so he doesn't have to work with her anymore.

I don't know if I can be with him anymore because of his lying and now his apparent love for someone else. He doesn't want me to leave because of our son and the fact he loves me. My family live away and I have nowhere to go. I just feel so alone. Any advice greatly appreciated x

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 09/12/2017 17:48

Personally, I wouldn't believe a word that came out of his mouth. I don't believe that about his friend - I think he was the one who was cheating. And now he's in love with both of you? Why did he tell you that when he wants to make a go of it with you? Is he worried someone else will tell you?

Original poster
Katty2112 · 09/12/2017 17:55

I asked him if he had lied about anything else and then he admitted this...

OP posts:
Schlimbesserung · 09/12/2017 18:00

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like he's hoping you'll do the pick-me dance. Please don't!
There are so many lies here that I think I'd want to work on being single. Or at the very least him moving out and sorting his shit out before we got to the "working on the relationship" stage.
Also, get legal advice, find out about getting accommodation, benefit entitlements etc. Arm yourself.
Best of luck to you, you obviously deserve so much better.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 09/12/2017 18:00

There are a few things you need to know, though:

  1. He won't admit everything at first.
  1. He will start to cry.
  1. He will blame you.
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/12/2017 18:07

IMO he is lying about covering for his friend. I would say he was cheating, but as the new stuff has come out with woman at work, he doesn't want to admit he's done it with two different people. I don't think he will stop with this latest one unfortunately, as you have apparently got past the first time (and in his view he has got away with it). Sorry.

Offred · 09/12/2017 21:45

What a load of shit.

Chuck this one back. I appreciate it is hard because of the baby and because you have been together so long but honestly let him go behave like a teenager somewhere where it doesn’t affect you.

Offred · 09/12/2017 21:47

And it’s total crap that he is ‘in love with’ someone he works with who doesn’t even know how he feels.

Either he has been having an actual affair with her or he is a very superficial person who thinks an unrequited infatuation is the same as being in love.

Cloudylemons · 09/12/2017 21:49

Exactly what MyBrilliantDisguise says. Sorry op I don’t think you should believe a word he says. Try to be strong and get ready to start a new life with your beautiful baby.

f83mx · 09/12/2017 21:54

He either cheated on you previously or he thought it was acceptable to hurt you enough to believe that he had cheated? and now he's told you he is in love with someone from work - so he's likely actually cheated with her or is a very strange stalky type person who is 'in love' with a colleague who sees him as a friend - either scenario(s) isn't ON - seriously, get rid, you've gotta be worth more than this?

pigletpie29 · 09/12/2017 22:08

If my oh told me he was in love with someone else he'd be shown the door fairly rapidly.

SandyY2K · 10/12/2017 00:03

I couldn't be dealing with this nonsense tbh. I'd put him back in the water and keep fishing.

He sounds way to immature for a serious relationship.

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