When am I running out of time?

[teaandcakeat8]

I just turned 29. Suddenly 30 seems very close. I have a boyfriend, but I'm not sure where it's going - incredibly early days - I don't know if he wants children - but I would wager that he doesn't.

I do want children. When should I worry about running out of time?

Just him wanting children isn't a good enough reason to see it lasting long term! At this point look at the relationship instead. Can you see yourself with him in a year? Is he kind, grounded, hard-working etc etc? That's a good place to start.

You've got plenty of time.

You've got plenty of time.

You do have plenty of time, but not if you spend the next 7 or 8 years with a man who doesn't want them.

Does he tick the boxes of the sort of man you'd want to have children with?

If so, and depending on how 'early days' it is, I would probably have the conversation.

You’ve plenty of time but at 30 you should be mindful of what you want and communicate clearly about it with potential suitors. Remember most men also want to get married and have children - don’t be embarrassed about looking for one who’s on the same page.

I'm not sure you have 'plenty' of time, I didn't feel that way when I was 30, and glad I didn't waste anymore time because I wanted more than 1 child. But I don't see anything wrong with getting the kids thing out in the open early on enough and dumping anyone who says never or who pulls the 'someday in the future' bit and they're over, say 35.

I was back on the market at 29 after wasting my 20’s on a man who never wanted kids or marriage.

I didn’t consider anyone who wouldn’t talk about the future openly even early on. To give you an idea about timescales...

The man I chose mentioned that was his intent on the first date and was happy to talk timescales for kids and marriage without prompting after two months. Met him at 29, bought a house at 31.

We got engaged in September and will be married and actively trying for a baby this time next year.

Even then I will be at least 34 when I have my first child.

Don’t waste time now

There's time but not plenty- I'm well aware I need to 'crack on' as it were with regards to having a baby but we can't yet as we are secure enough in our job/financial/home life (we live with DP's Dad while we are saving, and I detest this area with a passion, no way I want my children growing up here) and I'll be 32 in Jan. Not ideal but there we are.

If you're 29, you should be concerned about finding someone who you could imagine having children with if you want them, it's not enough for them to just want kids! My mate bangs on and on about wanting a kid with his partner and he smokes weed every day and games all night. So make sure you're sure you're with someone with the right qualities for fatherhood.

You do still have time but it depends on many factors. I had my first at 35, turned out to be twins - lucky as I don't think I can have any more and actually I need a hysterectomy which I'm currently delaying while we decide whether we do want to try for another or not. I got married at 29 but life got in the way in the interim.

How long have you been together? Have you not discussed these things? To me it's one of the most important things to be on the same page about, why haven't you discussed it?

You’ve got time but at 30 nice not to waste years and have that time in hand - from my experience and that of friends it gets stressful later in your 30s. Personally (and I have to say I’m a very direct person) I casually had the what do you think of kids convo in the first week of going out with anybody, not in a ‘I want them with you!’ Way but just to get a bit of info. I found it no harder than talking about my job or where I saw myself living and it was just chitchat but still good to know if I was dating a man who ruled it out. Just ask!

Also, much more importantly, listen to and trust your gut instincts. If a bloke doesn’t seem like long term potential and you just aren’t that into him, move on.