Empty marriage but good dad

[Homeworklife]

My marriage feels completely empty.

In 5 years we have been together had 2 children and got married. His family also have treated me terribly and this still comes up. He didn’t support me and my career. I have been let down quite a bit. Lately he is smoking and lying to my face about it like second nature. He is the most amazing Dad but other than that after everything that has happened I feel nothing for him. Can this ever turn around? Is it better to just live like this for two happy children? He won’t go to counceling.

Your DH's relationship with his children is a separate one to yours and his. It's easy to confuse the two but they must stay separate. Dh can be the same amazing dad living apart from you if he isn't being a great husband.
Your children won't be happier if you stay together for the sake of them as they'll sense your unhappiness. Children are very astute and more observant than people give them credit. My parents stayed together for the sake of me and my siblings and they were miserable and we picked up on that. It ruined a lot of my childhood and I wish my parents had have split up years before they did.
Good luck

Please don't stay together just for your children. While it's a really noble idea and I know it's coming from a good place, it can be quite damaging (to everyone involved).

My parents stayed together for us and we knew it - and we still carry the guilt to this day, although obviously our parents have never mentioned it. I also think that they regret not breaking up for themselves - you only have one life, don't waste it with someone you don't love and who doesn't make you happy. And your DH deserves to be with someone who wants to be with him too.

If your DH is an amazing dad now, he will continue to be - he will always be their dad.

The smoking is a side issue. His body, his choice. He lied because he knew how you'd react. It's an addiction and lots of people struggle to give up. It isn't a bad thing that he is doing to you.

The other stuff, though, not supporting you and your career and you being badly treated by his family, that's serious.

He can still be an amazing dad if you separate. Don't automatically assume that you will have the children full time and he'll see them sporadically. If you stay living near each other, you can share contact between you.

You say he won't go to counselling but actually he might if he realises it's a choice between that or divorce.

Do your research. Work out your finances, investigate how much two separate residences would cost and then go and see a solicitor to find out what you are likely to get financially if you split. Then you can talk to him from a position of knowledge.

The marriage may be salvageable but only if he will engage with counselling and is prepared to make changes in order to keep you.

The love your DH has for the children are not same as the love he has for you. So, don't confuse the feelings. What you meant by his family treating you terribly?

Is he not spending more time with you? Sometimes men like the women to initiate. Perhaps you could initiate communication and connect with him. Try for a while. Show love even if you don't feel it from him. Share your experience here. All the best!

I don't know what's happened; you haven't really said much apart from DH not supporting you.

I do know that life with two young children can be hard. You have good years and bad years.
I also know that marriages have peaks and troughs also.

Only you know if this is one of those 'for worse' times.