Will I ever meet anyone again?!

[ThisLittleKitty]

Please tell me there is hope and I won't be single and lonely forever?! I have 4 kids and after the 3rd all I had from my mum and my sister was that I will never meet a man ever again! Well I will but to quote my mum "he will only come round for his dinner" but never be in a relationship with me so basically just come round to my house for food and sex then leave again in the morning! My sister said one child's ok two a push but after 3 I will never meet a man that wants anything more than a one night stand! This is why I kept going back to ex who was a nasty piece of work! And ended up getting pregnant with the youngest (unplanned!) I am still in love with ex but definitely can't be with him and I haven't met or been with anyone else since I met him at 21 (I'm now 28) will I ever meet anyone again? Or am I just doomed to a life of being exes door mat when he feels like it. (He tells me he loves me but he definitely doesn't)

I think it's all about your outlook in these situations. Sure, if you agree with your family that you are doomed to live forever alone then you most likely will. If however, you look at it with a more positive but also realistic approach - as in, yes there will be people put off by the fact you have 4 children already, but not all men are like that! There are also decent people out there but it takes a lot of time to find them. They may also have children, and know the responsibilities you have.

I think you'll absolutely meet someone in time who will love you and your beautiful family, as long as you change your outlook. Realise that you CAN and WILL find someone if you want to. But also that the person who may come into your life would be LUCKY to be with you, regardless of how many children you have etc.

I'm a single mum have been for about a year, I have 2 DC's. I honestly felt so low about dating etc. at first. Had a very negative outlook on things. However, now I've changed my outlook and become more positive about things, I have met lots of people who would want to date me - and I am choosing who I would actually like to date. I honestly never thought I would have anyone interested, but you just have to spend some time working on yourself - make sure you learn to care for and love yourself and know your worth - especially as you say you have an idiot of an ex who it sounds like you still need to get over. Make sure you learn that you deserve better, and in time you will find that special someone :) xx

Awe thank you for your message! I wish I had that positivity in real life, they are the reason I've gone back to ex so much because they tell me I will never meet anyone else so obviously when ex calls I go back. Yet they hate him. I know I have to work on my self esteem first as it's quite low at the moment but I'm really struggling to get over my ex and I know the only way that will happen is by meeting someone else.

First you need to no longer be “in love” with your ex. Then you need to learn to love yourself and set high standards.
This takes time.

Positivity takes time, I was so low about being a single mum and now I'm the opposite and I guess people can see that and it attracts them maybe?!
I don't agree that you need to just get over your ex by meeting someone else. That's a huge mistake us women make. Another person won't help - you can't just meet someone else and that will make your feelings for your ex disappear. What it would probably do is bring emotional baggage into a new relationship, when you weren't even ready to get into one as you had feelings for someone already.

You need to take a step back and look at WHY you go back to your ex. It sounds like it's because you don't feel you're worthy of love by anyone else. That you don't want to be alone. That you're scared nobody else will love you.
Well, my advice there is - take some time out for you. Make a pact with yourself NOT to get with your ex. Start spending more time on yourself, your appearance, exercise, eat better, anything that makes you feel better about yourself. Once you start feeling better about yourself you'll gain more confidence and that will stop you running back to a man who doesn't deserve you.

Don't think being with another man can fix your life, YOU can fix your life if you start changing your actions.

I haven't been with ex in a relationship for over two years (my youngest was conceived whilst we weren't together) we broke up with me 3 year old was a baby. To put it bluntly he was just still sleeping with me because he knew I still loved him but didn't want to be with me. But yet the love still hasn't gone. I think about him all day every day. I can only assume it's because I'm bored and lonely and haven't met anyone else.

I can only assume it's because I'm bored and lonely and haven't met anyone else.

The first half of that is true, you are bored and lonely. You need to find other ways to stay occupied that don't involve running back to a man who is using you. Take up a hobby where you can meet people etc. Start filling your day with things when you can so that you don't feel so lonely.

The second part not so true. It isn't because you haven't met anyone else, it's because you haven't tried to work on yourself at all, you haven't gained any self worth or high standards for how you should be treated. You go back to a man who doesn't deserve you because you think that's all you deserve.

Please start working on yourself...you can start that right now, have a google about self love etc.

Sorry but I think your mum is somewhat right and sees it in a realistic way.

I don't really have many friends well I do but as we are in our 20s they are all still clubbing! So I never get invited anywhere as I have no baby sitter (ex won't have the kids) so we've drifted apart. They also either have no kids or had theirs when they were 16-18 so now have teens so aren't interested in doing anything with the kids as mine are all under 7. So I just literally spend my days in my house on my own with the kids.

Have to wonder why you're seeing not being with a man as worse than being with a shite one. There's more to life than being in a relationship. You shouldn't let your family continue putting you down.

You need to get interested in something for yourself and build some self esteem. You're looking for a man to fill that space for you, but that doesn't tend to go well: people aren't polyfilla. OK, it's hard on your own with young children, but a bloke isn't the answer.

When you're fulfilled and happy in yourself, you're more likely to meet a decent bloke who won't treat you like shit. Plus you wouldn't put up with any shit.

Do the freedom programme, focus on being the person you would like to be, and stop bothering with the crappy ex.

I've been on my own for 10 months (didn see ex at all for this time) but still bored and lonely. Friends keep telling me about the guys they have met and how lovely they are how perfect they are etc even ex is on dating sites so it feels like everyone is moving forward except me.

Ok well join some groups where there are mums with children of similar ages...there are plenty of mum groups out there. Network. Get out there and meet people. If your mum/sister can watch your kids one night/day then start doing something for yourself or go out and join a social group where you can meet others and take up a hobby at the same time. Remember only you can change your life. Stop listening to the negative and making excuses. I moved to a new place and have zero friends or family near me, I had to get out there and change that otherwise I'd be lonely and miserable. YOU need to start changing your life.