Found ED pills in my husband's pocket

[Irinn]

Today I found in my husband's jacket Tadasoft pills (that's for ED). I'm really confused! Can't say that we have outrages sexual life at the moment, but it was ok, at least there were no problems ever apart of 2 times year ago. We are not so long together - 1,5year and married for 8 months, and right now we having a bit of troubles in relations, so I must confess - I was snooping. He is quite closed person and though I'm not surprised that he is hiding them. But the thing is, that around year ago I found Cialis in his suitbag (wasn't snooping back then) and had a conversation with him, which ended up with fight as he tried to lie first, saying that he was buying them for his dad (yes, sure! and eventually ate them) and after said that was using them long time ago for "being in shape" in occasions of drinking or something like that.
So now I'm wondering if he is using them with someone else or this time it's for me? But if for me, then it doesn't make sense, if only he has real problems with that, because we are not partying now (we have a newborn), so he doesn't have any excessive drinking, so it will help him to perform well in bed.
We also been separated for 3 months after baby was 1 month old. I had to go abroad and he can't fly now, so we didn't see each other all that time and now only one month back together. So of course, as relations are not perfect now, bad thoughts are sneaking into my head.
He is 39 and he didn't have the healthiest life due to smoking, drinking, lots of stress, so I could assume that he might have some issues, but considering our previous conversation about Cialis, which he said he used occasionally when was not in "good condition", I'm thinking that he has someone else.
Did anybody has some similar experience? Is it sign of affair or it's fine to take THESE pills secretly? What should I do? Talk to him calmly or make a scandal? Or not talk at all? I'm veeeery angry right now and really lost...

I don't think you will get honest answers from him,so you would be better off biding your time and keeping an eye on the pills to see how quickly they get used and if you can link them to sex with you.

The previous lie about buying them for someone else is a common one that men tell when asked about this I'm afraid. I found it insulting when I found the same thing, in that case it was down to an excessive porn habit,the death grip etc. Very dispiriting. I'm sorry it's happened to you.

I agree with caringdenise009 :don't say anything yet. Just keep an eye on the pills and see if they disappear when you and he have sex. There are a couple of possibilities - either he takes them for sex with you (and is embarrassed to talk about it) or yes, he is using them elsewhere. My concern would be that they were in his JACKET, something we typically wear when we are out and about.

How has he been with his phone? Does he always keep it on him? Have a keycode on it that you don't know?

Thank you both for replies!) I'm afraid that it will be difficult to check usage of pills in case he will hide them in other place and advertised effect from pills is up to 36 hours, what doesn't make things easier.
And I don't think that I will be having sex with him if in my head will be the idea that he has someone else :/

Vernazza, his phone is as usual. He has 2, one personal and one for work. Both always had passwords and I won't say that he is always with them. I know password from personal one, didn't see there anything, but it was a quick view.

So don't know, I really keen now more to castration then to check usage of pills

If you don't feel you can ask him or trust him, then have a good think about why you are with him at all.

Has he been prescribed antidepressants recently? I know someone who was given viagra at the same time because ADs can cause problems with getting and maintaining an erection.

category12 - weeeell, I was deeply in love with him, got pregnant, got married, now having a baby... Will honestly say that I would leave him if we still would be just dating, so right now just trying to save family and maybe get that man back whom I fell in love. Thats why. Apparently it doesn't really work now, so I'm checking his phone and pockets. Also I'm still with him because I know that its easy to break up, pack suitcase and leave and very hard to fix everything again.

This is no way for either of you to live checking pockets phones and so on

This sounds too much too soon, not going to criticise you been there myself but admitting it is very hard when you so desperately want the man back you first met. It's hard and soul destroying

Look at your own options quietly and build yourself up into a plan in case this fails so your ready

How is he getting them? If it's through a doctor and he has discussed underlying medical conditions that's one thing. If he's buying them online, he doesn't really know what he is getting and taking. This was a really big deal for me, undermined my confidence in myself and our relationship. I found out through email confirmation that he'd been buying them for years(for a friend,obviously ). Fucking years. This isn't something you can ignore unfortunately.

Thing is, if he's cheating and there's no trust now when you ought to still be in the honeymoon period, it's not looking good for the future.

Also, you don't know him that well - maybe the man you thought he was, was him on his best behaviour and this is the real him - you can't 'get back' something that never was.

My ex cheated on me in the first year of our marriage and new baby - it never got better. I stuck it out for years. If I could go back and change that, I would.

It is a very difficult area ED it can be devastating for a man to accept let alone admit he's suffering from this maladay. He may well be buying them for him i don't believe the they were for someone else story.

I buy them and use them when required but mid sixties its just a part of aging and you can get them from a lot of chemists supermarket ones without prescription though you are asked a number of questions first. It's not unknown for much younger men to have this problem from time to time.

He could be playing away, perhaps best to see if you can have a conversation about your relationship first and also trust the womens instinct which is soo very accurate.

Anyway hope it all works out well!

I would think very carefully about jumping to conclusions. MN is never happier than when encouraging couples to separate. This is because so many people on here - arrive here - as a result of unhappy relationships- often where infidelity has played a major part and the assumption that a partner has cheated is almost always considered first , often before a more logical and innocent explanation.

ED is often a huge, embarrassing problem for a man. Men are nowhere near as open or as accepting of medical issues as women are. They do not want to 'discuss' it. ED can have a massive psychological impact on a man. Being unable to 'perform' or the fear of being unable to perform often cuts to the heart of being male . Leaving men with serious self esteem problems. It's not a minor thing. (To them).

I would doubt very much that he is having an affair. Men suffering with ED are already freaked out enough about not being able to get it up with a regular familiar partner. Few would want that level of performance anxiety with a stranger.
BTW he could have been using ED pills since you met. You may never have known. I doubt he would tell you. Simply too embarrassed.

Thanks everyone for your replies!
I told him that I found these pills and he told me that he bought them long time ago before we started dating and he just eventually found them yesterday in his bag (laptop bag, which he takes everyday to office), while was taking out some papers from pocket which he never use...So he put them into his jacket to throw them away, but forgot to do that...
Such a story!!)))
Should I believe it or not?

OP - check the expiration date.
If he actually got them a long time ago - expiration date would be soonish.
Look up that particular drug online and their shelf-life.
Then do the math of when you started dating. And is it likely....

It the box has expiration date far in the future - roughly equal to shelf life —— then he’s purchased them recently.