Fear of intimacy following breakup

[MattyMoo1972]

Really need some advice from someone. It has been almost 18 months since I split from my partner of 10 years, and am still completely unable to bare the thought of starting a new relationship. I was recently on a blind date that friends had set me up with and it felt completely wrong and alien. The lady was attractive and very nice to talk too - but inside I had this feeling I was committing an adulterous act - and we were only sat in a bar drinking a wine! She admitted that she found me attractive, and wanted to hold hands and link arms - which was a complete no no for me. The thought of anything more (in an intimate way) is seriously a no go area full stop. I am a 45 year old bloke, what is wrong with me?

What were the circumstances around your split? Do you still have feelings for your ex?

Please don’t think there is anything wrong with you! There is not! You are simply just not ready to move on yet! When the time is right you will know! I have been separated for 3 years and still can’t bring myself to put myself out there and date, after 20 years with my ex I feel I need to take this time to work on myself and devote my time to my children. Yes there are times I feel lonely or wish I had a special someone to call and ask how’s your day been but I know for me I’m not ready.
We are all different and what is right for one person isn’t necessarily right for another. My exh started a serious relationship with ow within a year of us separating after 20 years together! I couldn’t get my head around that but now accept he’s unable to be on his own where as I’m pretty happy to be single.
Do what’s right for you! Don’t over think it just be in the moment and enjoy your friends and family and don’t put pressure on yourself to conform to what society or other people say you “should” be doing.

I feel the same, it was the right thing to split, I made the decision.
It’s been 4 years but I just can’t get my mojo back.

It took me 8 years to be able to be intimate after a break up. I was scared witless and many other reasons. Anyway, I then took the plunge and went online dating. I saw one very nice, attractive man a few times, he really was very nice but I felt just like you and couldn't, even kissing him (only did that once) felt odd. I then met another man and completely felt like being intimate and got over the fear. He just broke my heart but that is another story. My point is, firstly it takes time and secondly even if the woman was lovely, and I'm sure she was, maybe there wasn't even chemistry there for you to decide to take the plunge.