Road rage

[lilathewerewolf]

Been thinking about this recently, do you think it's true in your experience that a man with road rage is likely to be abusive? Even if he's polite to staff in shops/cafes etc (usually cited as a red flag if he isn't) but what if he turns into a different man once the car door is closed? Is road rage a red flag?

I think it is ugly and can be a symptom of a buried trait that could emerge at any time.

No, I think they can be seperate.

I’m no expert, but based on my experience, yes, it is a red flag. And one of the earliest to manifest. My ex was charm personified to shop staff and waiters, but get him in behind a wheel, and the real him came out: an aggressive bully, who blamed everyone else for his mistakes, and thought the rules did not apply to him. If I ever complained about it, he would speed up, turn the music up, and wind the windows down, so he couldn’t hear my voice. There’s something disinhibiting about being in a car, perhaps because your brain is largely engaged by driving, so you don’t have as much capacity to keep the nice act up. I often read these red flag lists, and see rudeness to shop staff/waiters, and I do think it’s a bit of a red herring. Not that you’d want to go out with someone who was rude to people in the service industry, but abusers are often very concerned with their public image, so lovely to everyone outside the house. On the other hand, driving is comparatively private; just you and him trapped in a metal box.

My ex bf was mentally abusive and he had bad road rage but was perfectly polite to people (as long as they didn't cross him). When I dared comment on his road rage once he turned on me instead.

Road rage, to me, covers a pretty broad spectrum. We’ve all (men and women - my DP is terrible for it) got annoyed with people driving stupidly / way too slowly from time to time. Driving these days is not the fun activity idiots like Clarkson would have you believe. It’s bloody stressful at times, so I think the odd bout of swearing isn’t too worrying.

Driving dangerously in “retaliation” or getting out of the car...? Different kettle of fish. That’s pointing to underlying behavioural issues imo.

I had a female friend who was really bad in terms of road rage. I couldnt take being in the car with her and just told her I wanted to end the friendship as she was so scary.
She started verbally abusing me and then hit me. So I'd say it was a big red flag yes.

I think it’s a big red flag to be honest.

My hubby who is the sweetest most supportive husband ever, never gets angry yadda yadda but is a cock behind the wheel! god forbid someone doesn't stick to his very exacting interpretation of the road rules, I hate driving anywhere with him. His mother is the same. Its not a red flag in my book IF everything else is ok. I cant bring myself to give a shit enough if someone doesn't indicate or whatever. But I did have a EA ex and this was a red flag, so depends on the whole person.

Massive red flag.

My ex too was falsely charming to waiters and service staff....but behind the wheel 😱😱😱

I used to dread getting in the car with him and he chucked me out miles from home on numerous occasions for expressing some fear at his aggressive driving

I think it's a red flag. It's someone who can't or won't control their anger while they're in charge of something potentially lethal. That's pretty worrying, especially when they are putting passengers at risk too.

True road rage is indicative of an anger problem. Minor impatient road rage just means they are a dick.

Either way it's not pretty.

Depends what road rage is.

You SHOULD get angry if someone endangers your children's lives by forcing you off the road. However some people get enraged over the most minor things and go OTT.

Is there a link between road rage and violence in relationships? A quick Internet search didn't find one.

My placid DH is quite edgy behind the wheel. Everyone thinks he’s super lovely and he is. He’s a bit testosteroney sometimes behind the wheel but secretly in normal life he’s prone to being a bit passive aggressive - so I suspect the minor road rage is part of his private hidden tension. I on the other hand never get cross behind the wheel but I’m not passive aggressive. I’m calm and direct but polite.