So, years of childhood emotional and sexual abuse.
Six months ago, my brother ripped me a new on with texts, telling me I was getting cut out of parents will, that I'm not part of the family, he hates me, I'm a c*nt. He was also e emotionally abusing me during my childhood. He's 10 years older, golden child, mother a narcissist and father her enabler.
A bit of history, while I was being sexually abused, brother ordered me to go play football with him. As you can imagine my emotions were all over the place and I just wanted to lie in bed and cry. Brother has always had an anger problem and is a misogynistic, sexist, racist person. He also hates LGBT. This might be identifying but fuck it. We were in Ibiza with my bestie (male). gay. Brother saw him in a bar with a guy feeling each other up. Brother grabbed him by the neck up against a wall. The footie incident, he hurled a dart in the floor and proceeded to kick it with his bare foot. The dart snapped and a substantial part was buried deep in his foot. This was my fault apparently - if I'd said yes to footie it wouldn't have happened. The Ibiza incident also my fault for "taking a gay bastard on holiday, I hate those perverted scummy bastards" he said to me.
My parents always take brothers side. I explained to them what brother had said and done, no emotion from them. I've been essentially NC with them for two years now, so breaking it because of brother should give an indication of how it affected me. I said I wanted an apology from him. I've heard nothing. Parents say we should go down at Xmas. I have a milestone birthday around Christmas time. So it's safe to say he's not going to say shit. I'm scared if I did go down he'd be there and parents all over him, whilst I'm the unwanted "kid".
I had significant abuse during the Christmas period as a kid, so to date it's always been the most difficult time of year for me. I'm scared, my emotions are all over the place, I keep bursting into tears. My partner knows what's happened and supports me, but obviously isn't aware of everything and how it affects me. Also, my DD is bisexual. I'm scared of brother finds out what his attitude would be to her, so I don't think it's in her best interests either.
So that's everything, any comments appreciated, I feel so alone, and scared, so very scared. Not sleeping either really, and having nightmares. I also have PTSD due to the abuse. Ithought of posting this in the "Stately Homes" thread, but here goes.
Meh, sorry for the length of this.