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Original poster

Are you a people pleaser? Is it a chic thing?

16 replies

Astrophe · 20/04/2007 13:08

My DD's nursery nurse told me off this morning - not badly - just mentioned that we were late and said sarcasticly 'I suppose thats their (the DCs) fault?'.

I was mortified, smiled apologeticly, went home feeling awful, wondered what I should do, should I apoogise properly, am I a terrible person for being late, blah blah blah and still feel rotten about it now.

So the question is WHY DO I CARE???

Is it a female thing? Unbringing? Just me? I don't know why people's disapproval upsets me so much

OP posts:

LucyJones · 20/04/2007 13:10

How old is your dd?
My dcs are often late for nursery, but as we pay a hideous amount of money to send them there no onw ever says anything.

Original poster

Astrophe · 20/04/2007 13:15

she is almost 3. I think the reason he was cross is because she was late for lunch (by 15 mins) so a bit of a pain for him to feed her after the others I guess? But see here I am, defending him...

OP posts:

Chocolateface · 20/04/2007 13:19

What a horrid rude thing to say!
When ever we're late we welcomed with open arms, which is a good job to because by that point I'm rather stressed.

Chocolateface · 20/04/2007 13:21

BEen thinking about this. I am suc a people pleaser, I tell laods of white lies becasue I cant just come out and say it like it is.I'm so scared of upsetting people. I suspect the next generation won't be quite as meek.

Anniegetyourgun · 20/04/2007 13:25

The nurse sounds very rude. Who does she think she is? If she has a legitimate complaint she should discuss it with you straight, explain why it's a problem, talk about solutions etc. She has no right at all to get sarcastic with you. Nursery nurses aren't all lovely people, though most of them are; a few are right cows.

I used to be really upset if people were annoyed with me, especially if there was any chance it really was my fault, but nowadays the worm turns more often. It helps to get angry when you're on your own, but you should be cool and calm again by the time you next face them. Who knows what was in her head when she made that remark? She's making a whole bunch of assumptions, like that you have a choice whether to be late or not, that your dog hasn't just been run over or something, and worst, that you're the sort of person who would blame your children for something that is your fault. Be damned to her. She isn't worth the time of day. But be polite - oh, so very polite. "Is that a problem?" you say coolly. Or just laugh, haha, how can I blame the DCs, they're only x years old!

Anniegetyourgun · 20/04/2007 13:27

Oh, just seen your next post - I beg HIS pardon.

OK, he has a point, it was a bit of a nuisance for him that you were late. He still has no right to make sarcastic remarks though.

Original poster

Astrophe · 20/04/2007 13:36

Hes not normally rude, but not a very good communicator. I don't think its a terrible thing that we were late (the other kids were all still eating, and I have told him will often be late as we come straight from somewhere on Fridays), but I'm so cross with myself for being upset about it. Other people seem much better at letting things pass them by.

OP posts:

Original poster

Astrophe · 20/04/2007 21:52

bumpity, in case there is anyone who understands the pshchology of the People Pleaser out there...an still feeling crappy about it, and DH said I am being foolish

OP posts:

rollonsummerholidays · 20/04/2007 22:54

please do not waste anymore time worrying about this. everyone has good and bad days. good advice to laugh it off i am always very apologetic and tell them all to have a nice week-end . you are paying and they are providing a service . be polite but firm.

rollonsummerholidays · 20/04/2007 22:54

handlemecarefully · 20/04/2007 23:01

I think you are investing this comment from the Nursery Nurse with much more significance than was intended

Original poster

Astrophe · 20/04/2007 23:03

I am !! Yes, exactly, I know I am. This thread has gone all wrong, it was meant to be about women having 'people pleasing' personalities (well, me anyway!), not the nursery nurse!

Ah well...off to bed I think!

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 20/04/2007 23:06

OK on people pleasing personalities - I can't comment because I don't have one (lol)

I doubt it is a female thing although perhaps due to societal conditioning more common in women. Expect it is partly to do with upbringing.....

handlemecarefully · 20/04/2007 23:08

However you have self awareness and some personal insight so if you want to stop being a people pleaser you probably can learn to be more ....what is it exactly?....have better self esteem (so that you don't need the positive affirmation of others).

handlemecarefully · 20/04/2007 23:08

Hope that didn't sound patronising since whilst I am not really a people pleaser I don't set out to offend

jamieboo · 20/04/2007 23:12

i was talking about something similar with my sister today, she had a recent run in with someone rude. She was serving someone for a while and there happened to be someone else waiting for her help at the same time and by the time she had finished all she saw of this other lady was her mouthing off at her manager that 'the girl i was waiting for is absolutely useless'
I would have been MORTIFIED! But she was all 'whatevaaaa'

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