Baby is 3 months old and he’s leaving me.

[PalomaViolets]

Just that really.

I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I was diagnosed with PND recently and just started on antidepressants but this is going to kill me.

I was looking forward to Christmas as a new family and it’s all turned to shit. As an aside, my dad died 20 years ago today. I just wish he was here 😢

Yeah, I work(ed) for the council and got above the SMP.

I want to take my girl and stay at my Mums tonight. It would just cause trouble though. I’ve just lost it on the phone to him and told him he doesn’t deserve a daughter. Apparently I need to get a life and am a loser because I know what he’s done behind my back!

Sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

Grit your teeth and get past Christmas, you're better off without him in the long run, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

I'm sorry about your Dad too. It'll be 33 years on Friday since my Dad pass away, I know how you feel.

Why would staying at your Mum's tonight cause trouble? Could she come and stay with you?

Thank you x

It would cause trouble because I’d be taking her away from him. He went mental once because I’d gone out for a walk with her and hasn’t told him so we weren’t there when he came home on a break from work.

Seeing things in black and white just makes me see how much better off I will be without him. I just worry about contact etc. and having to deal with him. I’m SO angry at him. I express milk for my daughter and I don’t have much stored. He’s fine with giving her formula but it’s just something I didn’t want to happen (I don’t judge anyone who does). I didn’t want to put her in a nursery when she’s so young but it’s all thinks that’ll have to happen now

It would cause trouble because I’d be taking her away from him.

WTAF!!!?

He's planning on MOVING OUT! Why should he get to call all the shots? Can he not get the fuck out for a night and stay with a mate?

And baby is BF. She stays with you.

Paloma
If your Mum's flag is very small, could your Mum move in with you instead?

I am so sorry OP, but you will be so much better off without that disgusting excuse for a human being in your life!

First of all, you are beautiful and your body is amazing! It has just created and grown a beautiful little human being! Your absolute bellend of a stbx doesn't deserve you! All woman change physically during pregnancy! He hasn't even given your body a chance to heal!

If he is honestly that shallow that the only reason he was with you was your looks, then he is pathetic and doesn't deserve you or your baby! Your poor little girl, how awful to grow up with a Father who's love is conditioned on whether she is beautiful or not.

I may be wrong here, but I suspect that your stbx is an abusive w*$ker, his comments on the phone make me think he is verbally, psychologically and emotionally abusive. I would contact Woman's Aid for advice, his abusive threats of taking your baby away from you are just that, threats! No judge would allow him to keep your tiny baby away from you! You do need proper advice on how to deal with an abusive ex, regarding access and maintenance and divorce (if you are married).

Hopefully escaping this awful bully, will do wonders for your mental health! Do speak to your g.p though! Also have a look at the Lundy Bancroft book Why does he do that as well as the Freedom Program.

Cross-posted with your updates! He IS an abusive wanker! Run while you can! He wants to leave, take the bull by both horns and get out of there! Otherwise, he will stay and make you and your innocent baby completely miserable! Send him an email/ text message, saying you and the baby are going to your Mothers. You are doing this to allow him time to collect his belongings and leave. You will expect him to be gone by x time on x day and you will be in contact regarding access to your dd. Tell him that if he continues to be abusive, he can arrange contact via your solicitor. I would also say that as your baby is bf, you will be present at all visits until she is weaned. I would also make it explicitly clear that he will not be keeping her overnight.

Don't just sit back and take this mans shit op. He is a cunt. You don't have to allow him to continue to control you. If he wanted to be able to see his child whenever he wants he should have thought about that before walking out.

You are better off without him, heed the advice on here and don't be a doormat.

Paloma
Obviously I meant FLAT and not FLAG.

I’ve asked him to stay elsewhere tonight. He’s currently packing to go. He’s not usually this compliant. Think the fact that I’ve spoken to his Mum today and updated my social media means he may be slightly ashamed?! As his friends apparently have been asking what’s going on. I’ve not been dignified but I really dgaf today.

I'm so sorry OP this sounds so tough. I agree that you're better off without him in the long run but that doesn't make you feel much better right now I'm sure.

To be honest, I wouldn't worry about causing trouble by "taking" your daughter away from him, he's the one who's choosing to leave. I'm glad you spoke to his Mum - what was her reaction? Do you get on well with them?

As another poster has said, he won't be able to take your daughter to London with him.

Awful at any time of the year but especially this time of year, so sorry about your dad's anniversary as well. Stay strong, keep those people who are supportive around you and don't doubt yourself if he tries to spin this into being your fault. Easy for me to say but try and worry about the next couple of months first before you panic about your maternity leave/paying it back.

xxx

Sorry you're going through this with a little one.

He doesn't sound nice at all and you are better off without a man like him. Your deserve better and I would personally think about what's best for you and your DD. He chose the split, so if he moves back to London so be it.

Just get child support sorted out.

Hi @paloma

I've been been where you are... I had/have postnatal anxiety, and my ExDP and I separated when DS was about 8mo. My ExDP is admittedly not the utter wanker yours sounds to be, and we separated for a variety of very valid reasons. But... I had no money, no home, no job, and I didn't want to put DS in childcare.

6 months on, I'm still in therapy for the postnatal anxiety, but it's much better than it was. I have the job of my dreams, 4 days a week, I'm renting a beautiful listed building, my DS is in a very very good local nursery 3 days a week (comes to work with me one day, or looked after by my DM), and if I'm in a bit of a sticky financial pickle at the moment, i know it'll come right in the end there too.

Take courage, lovely. You and your child will be fine- in fact, is go so far as to say you'll be better off without the shallow, controlling, vile tosspot.
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If I can do it, you can.