I need your help - please

[WeddingArsehole]

Hello,

I have posted about my horrible DP for over two years under different names. However, I've never found the courage to properly leave him.

Over the years he has ground me down to a shadow of my former self. I've this time left and I am determined to make a final break. However I am desperate to contact him now and beg him for another go. I don't know how I am going to cope.

Then I think about it rationally and know it's for the best. I've just got a horrible feeling of panic.

Can anyone help me?

Of course your chance of having a family isn’t gone.

He isn’t worth the head space, never mind more years of your life.

Fingers crossed for the new job.

Thanks again everyone. Your support last night was invaluable.

I feel strong again this morning but know that i will have wobbles down the road.

But - I didn't contact him and that is a BIG step for me. A really big step.

You’ve got plenty of time. Just because you wanted kids before 35 doesn’t mean you are finished! You are just a bit delayed. I had my 1st at 40 and more after that. I’ve got a friend who had hers at 46. Super normal these days. I’ve also got a mate who decided she’d ratger do it herself as she couldn’t find a decent bloke so did ivf at 39 and is super happy with her son who is now 7. I’ve also got a mate who fostered and adopted 4 kids after the age of 40. What I’m saying is it’s not black or white. Loads of options open to you. Take a year off worrying about this stuff. Get rid of this loser. Give yourself a 12 month “fun break” then revisit your parenting options this time next year. In the meantime you could go get your fertility tested and even get your eggs frozen if you really are serious. Again, very normal to do these days xxxx

Stay strong! Ignoring him for the first 2 weeks is the hardest. But afterwards it will pay off and you'll even wonder what you ever saw in him.

There is a thread here that is a group of girls supporting each other stay non contact.

Go there. That may help

Well firstly, I would say you really. Red to look into why you left. From an outsider looking in it seems as tho, you needed to leave as your partner wasn't as loving as you deserve and now are scared of the repercussions. I would say, stick with your guns. Worst case you can go back after a while of limited contact and that might make him appreciate you and treat your right

We don't have any DC together but I just feel that my chances of having a family have now gone. I'm grieving for the future I now won't have but so desperately desperately wanted

I left emotionally abusive DH shortly before my 34th birthday, knowing I was potentially gambling away a chance of a family.

I met now DH ten weeks later and we have two children.

Lesson:
After my marriage went under I swore that never again would I bend my personality to please another. Take me as you find me and that’s that. Without that shift in attitude I don’t think I’d be as happy as I am now.

The best of luck OP. Have faith in yourself xx

We don't have any DC together but I just feel that my chances of having a family have now gone.

Not a reason to stay with an arsehole. An arsehole is an arsehole regardless of whether you have kids or not. In fact they often behave more arseholey when kids are around! He will not get any better and YOU can do much better!

This is so hard.

He is in the office all day today sitting opposite me. He is being really cold towards me today.

I NEED to get this new job.

Oh my god, that is a lot to take on, getting the strength to leave someone and then having to sit opposite him. Is there any chance he will turn on the charm to try and get you back again? At least if he stays cold and distant you don’t have to interact with him much.

I don’t know your background, but are there things you’d like to do, that you wouldn’t have done while you were together? A new interest, a new look, an exercise regime...just some things that will distract you a bit, and give you something else to focus on?

Of course it is hard right now, but you have taken such a big step. You left him for a reason. Do you really want to live as a shadow of your former self forever? Do you want to have kids who are brought up in that kind of environment? If kids are what you want, you’d be better off - and THEY would be better off - having them on your own.

Can you remember a time when you felt better about yourself? When you had more confidence, when you were happier with your life? You can have that again and be that again. You just need some time and to NOT go back to this man.

You

You CAN do this.

It’s bloody hard, but you can and you MUST.

I had to work with my ex too as we had a business together. There wasn’t a day that passed that I didn’t want to hug him & tell him we could make it work, but some how I found the strength not to & eventually we sorted the business out & no longer had to work together. Tough times, but you’ll get there. Good luck with getting the new job.

When you have to see him
at work make sure you keep busy.

Good luck with the job hunting.

Think of all rhe terrible things he has done and Be icey right back...

Is it an option to move elsewhere in the office?

Did he act like an arsehole at a wedding? I hate guys who do that. Bet you thought you'd have a lovely time but no, he had to be an almighty dick and ruin it for you.

He's pathetic. Next time you get a wedding invite, go on your own and shag the best man.

The wedding is next weekend. So it hasn't happened yet. He seems delighted that I am unhappy.

That’s just sour grapes on his part. He really does sound like a dickhead. I’m glad you’re making it through the days, it will get easiest

OP go and never look back. You deserve so much better. One day, you will think back to how you had a lucky escape and be so grateful you didn’t have children with this man. The world is your oyster. Chin up, look after yourself and try to enjoy life. You can get through this and be so happy you did xx