Single for many years! Do you think it's my body?

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

I have built so much confidence when it comes to dating. I was very naive when I first became single. Not everyone is genuine and not everyone likes you back. I'm totally ok with that. Rejection is a direction, right?!
Although, I'm confident in the fact I'm going to be rejected at any stage of dating. I'm starting to lose confidence in me! By that I mean, my appearance. I'm a (wobbly/saggy) size 14-16 and it has taken me a long time to be ok with myself when dating (when I'm dressed) but I have noticed a pattern.
When it comes to the next stage in the dating process (getting naked), it's not long after, they disappear. I'm now at a point where I expect it. That's not nice.
I don't think I will ever have the confidence to be naked around anyone again. Not even in a swim suit. So the thought of holidays make me anxious. To be the lights out, bra on type of gal, isn't very exciting is it?
I'm honestly thinking of staying single because of the above :(

[Spartak]

It was the hardest thing I ever did, and that was without children. It will all be worth it in the end, when you walk onto the ward on the first day qualified, you forget the pain/stress/blood sweat tears of the training.

I'm going to something about my hideous body in the new year. Let's come up with a plan!

[ShatnersWig]

There are all sorts of reasons people choose not to see someone again - some good, some bad. But if it makes you feel any better, I have a friend who has been single for 10 years now, except for dating three guys, all of whom fizzled out within 3 months. She's attractive and intelligent and has what most people would regard as a very good body (size 10, 34DD boobs). So not sure it actually has much to do with body at all.

[MikeUniformMike]

OLD. Most men want to meet someone between 24 and 39, no kids, who look like a tv personality (female). yet they post a photo of themselves with their ex-wife/girlfiend's arm still showing - the rest of her cropped out, or with their kids. And they are usually minging and not in their preferred age group.
Not generalising or anything, like.

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

Spartak I can imagine, well done! Yes, I am struggling so that is music to my ears. I can not wait for that day! Yessssss let's!! I'm thinking, try and cut down a little now and add a little exercise and then it won't be a huge change in the new year!
ShatnersWig Really? I suppose you're right. It's difficult out there dating for anyone.

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

MikeUniformMike so are you saying most men set the standards too high? Oh dear, I have no hope Haha!

[Spartak]

I bought a Fitbit a few days ago. Challenged myself to walk 15,000 steps a day (on top of work where I'm not allowed to wear it, bare below the elbows and all that). I think little steps are the way to go.

You might get to the point in your course where you haven't slept for three days, you turn your pants inside out as walking to the drawer to get a new pair is too much effort and wonder whether a cold can of baked beans is a meal - keep going. It passes and afterwards all is good.

[hamburgers]

I’m going to be harsh and say yes it’s because you’re overweight. I’ve never been overweight and never had an issue with men ghosting me after seeing me naked. You’re not happy about it either so it’s time to lose weight! Put dating to one side for the moment and concentrate on making your body healthy and your happiness. Believe in yourself and good luck!

[ShatnersWig]

cupcake Yes, really. She doesn't look like a model but she's naturally attractive, very personable, dresses well, many hobbies. I'm not great looking but not the back end of a bus and I've been single 7 years and not had a date in 6. Can't remember last time I was naked with someone else being in the room

[berwickswan]

"do you think it's my body?" - your question...
Well, if you're only wanting to date those muscle-bound Atlas creatures who want similarly muscle-bound women and where the only thing up for discussion is who provides the baby oil, then, yes, i'm sure it is..
If, however, you're wanting to date 'normal' blokes who like pubs and pizzas and watching sport in front of the tele as their down time from their jobs, rest assured they've got wobbly bits too
I'd like to say "loosen up,OP", but I guess that's what's giving you anxst , so i'll say just that surely we're attracted to people who are a sum total of personality/personal warmth/common interests/humour etc.
Having said that, my deal breaker is facial hair....wobble wherever you want, but, please, no bloody facial hair

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

Spartak well done! Yes, most definitely little steps. Keep in touch on here to let me know how you're doing 😊 Haha that made me laugh, because it's all so true!!
hamburgers That was the kick up the butt I needed!

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

ShatnersWig can I ask why you don't date?
berwickswan Nooo not into muscles just an average kind guy would be nice.
Ohhh I like facial hair on a man! Or are you a man and you meant on a woman Haha?

[ShatnersWig]

cupcake I tried OLD for best part of a year, several sites, and hated it with a passion. Didn't get many dates from it at all. I did try again last year but didn't get any dates at all so decided to call it a day, it just fucks your self esteem up. To be fair, my dating pool is tiny to begin with because I don't want children or to be a stepparent. Not something I can really compromise on, I just have to accept it. Gets bloody lonely though.

[MikeUniformMike]

I was generalising but I have looked into OLD. They usually didn't reply after I sent a photo. (I look reasonably normal - two yes, one nose, etc )

As for wobbly bits, if you really hit it off with someone and fancy each other something rotten the wobbly bits don't really bother you.

[MikeUniformMike]

I think your best bet is to have a full and happy life, with me time, etc.
Even if your dating pool is tiny, there are men everywhere.
OLD wasn't for me. I would get nice enquiring e-mail, flirty e-mail then it would be a pervy e-mail or a can I have a photo e-mail.

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

ShatnersWig I suppose we all have our very own tick boxes for our own personal reasons and that's good as we know what we want/need. I can imagine it to be lonely at times. My dc's are growing up and have a better social life than me. I do get lonely sometimes too! I did log on to meetup but have never been to any events. All my friends (don't have many) are married and settled so there is only so much socialising I can do with them. It would be nice to go to the cinema, walks, lunch dates with someone. I do alot on my own, which is cool but I miss adult company sometimes.
MikeUniformMike so there is hope 😊 I just have to find that someone! Yes, it's tiring hearing the same old texts. I think I need to find some confidence before putting myself out there again.

[CoyoteCafe]

Cupcakes, it’s really never too late for our bodies. I’m 52 and last spring I had a moment of clarity that I had really let myself go and I started tuning it around.

I think it’s amazing that you are working on nursing qualifications while raising 3 kids. Give yourself credit for all your doing! You are already so busy, but adding in one fun class a week would be a start. I’ve been looking into belly dancing myself.

I’m doing Weight Watchers, which really suits me, and I’ve lost 40 pounds so far. I do Pilates, which is very intense for our core. I have a lot of core strength now, though there is still of layer of “wobble” over the muscles.

Do what you can now while things are so busy — one fun class a week, more fruits and veggies, cut sugar way back. You can add other things in when your life calms down. It’s never too late. The best part really feeling good and having more energy.

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

CoyoteCafe thankyou 😊 that's really amazing! Wow! You have dome so well. I think I am at that point now. I have never tried it yoga or Pilates. Has it helped you tone? I suffer with a bad back, I wonder if it would be ok. I have googled belly dancing as I felt it woukd be fun but there is nothing near where I live unfortunately.
If anyone has any other fun ideas? I would appreciate it 😊

[CoyoteCafe]

Pilates has really helped me tone. I’m still a little overweight, but look much better and my body looks younger. I started it because of knee problems. I can’t say I enjoy Pilates while I’m doing it, but I like how I feel AFTER I do it. It would be a great thing to do since you already have back pain and you are going into nursing. It could mean less pain.

Good luck. I’m so annoyed at my DH today that I can’t remember why any of us want a man in our lives, but we can still be comfortable in our bodies, and we can look good no matter our age.

[chestylarue52]

I have had sex with lots of men.

I think what men want is someone who's reaaaally into the sex. Your body doesn't matter so much - check out swinging clubs, there's women in their 40s 50s 60s of all shapes and sizes. What men want is when you kiss them to feel like you desperately desire them. If they're not coming back for more I don't think it's your body specifics, I think it's your attitude and confidence.

[chestylarue52]

Before you go to bed do you find yourself saying things like

'I'm not as lovely as I used to be, it's all a bit saggy'

?

Try saying 'Christ I can't wait to get you in my bedroom'

Sex should be something you do for you, to get off, not as a performance for a man.

Have you considered going to bed with women?

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

missedboat I'm sorry to hear you are feeling the same. Maybe experiment with some different pics. Try messaging first rather than waiting to be messaged.
CoyoteCafe that's great! I can't say I enjoy any exercise, it's always how it makes me feel after. Haha, yes, I listen to my friends go on about their she's and I think 'I'm so happy single' Haha! I'm going to look into Pilates. I might get a DVD though.
chestylarue52 I have done all the confidence thing! Not into swinging or women thankyou! Im looking for just one kind, emotionally available MAN!

[Koala72]

I think that you need more than anything to take control. You need to feel in control of your own body.

(And as for the guys who disappear after sex - as someone else said, that's a million reasons - you can conclude it's the wobbly bits. FGS, it is possible to work out from looking at someone that they've got wobbly bits - they must have known already.)

You need someone who sees you and wants you. And the best way to make sure you really feel good about yourself is to take control of your own body. You need to make small changes that will have big effects.

With your job and children and all, you have a hell of a lot to do, and only so much energy in a day. I totally understand. And I promise you that it is very very easy to do a kind of side-step and change things. (and 14-16 really isn't bad - it could be oh so much worse!! - so it will be relatively easy to improve massively)

My advice is:
Diet
Swimming
Yoga

You can't control the guys, but you can control what you put in your mouth. Eat less. Don't eat sh*t. Drink small cold Evian bottles you keep in the fridge. Eat organic handpicked blueberries. Make everything you put in your body a beautiful thing.

Swim. If you can, every day. Get in the water. Feel your body and how strong it is.

Yoga - this is the easiest. You can do it first thing, or when they're all asleep. Just sink into your own body and feel its power.

You need to remember who you are.

Then you will decide about the guys, and you may not get naked so quick. Wait until they can't live without you. : )

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

missedboat I'm sorry! Another dati g site maybe. Do you know what I would like to do, is speed dating. Could you try that?
Koala72 great advice. By the end of a day I'm shattered but I could set my alarm earlier. Feeling motivated now. These posts have helped so much. I needed a boost!
I really couldn't swim. I won't put on a costume, I'd be far too embarrassed. I'm going to make some small changes, I think 😊 thankyou for your help!