Miserable cow here. DS 6M Decided to get up at 4am and was ready for the day. Nothing unusual there. DD 16 who is a total f+++ing princess is working today so needed me to get all her clothes ready, sort a lunch, wait with her on the corner for her lift (DS in pushchair while still dark outside)etc. DP pulled a late one again and was a bugger to rouse this morning and I had sent him off with DIY lunch kit to last him the week (bread, cheeses bacon etc) which I'd had to purchase this morning at 06:50 because some bugger had raided the fridge and we had sod all. and then DS spends the morning being the most irritating baby refuses to be in his jumparoo, play area, cot whatever-just wants to be in my arms. In the end I cant take it anymore (mess gives me severe anxiety) I leave him screaming in his cot while I have a tidy up. Return to DS who is red, covered in snot and of course I'm feeling so guilty now. I put him in the bath and sing to him and he's happy. Great. Now he's had lunch and is fast asleep. Suddenly the house falls silent and I'm craving company. But I don't have a single RL friend and no interested family so only option is to wonder solo around the town center until it gets too cold and I come home. I would love to go swimming or play pool at the pub like I did before I was pregnant but I have a baby now and cant justify paying a private babysitter £20 to go swim for an hour and then my old pub friends have long disappeared and lost touch because they haven't wanted to know me since I settled down. DP doesn't do childcare. He doesn't do a lot really and we don't have much to do with each other since the baby, we were in love before but now I do things for him, he puts half his wages in my bank each month and that's the arrangement. Its shit,but I have thought about it lots and I think life is slightly better with him here so I let him stay. I work two days a week, after nursery fees I bank about £5. Its a crap job but at least its something different, a change of scenery. But 5 days a week, Its pretty much the same every day (see above) is this just how it is? When DD was little I had plenty of money and a reliable babysitter so could get out whenever I wanted. I don't have the opportunity to make that sort of money anymore so I cant see a way out of this. Anyone else struggle like this?