There is so much to read, so sorry in advance..
So I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have always had a great relationship, we also live together. I have no reason to believe he would physically cheat on me, however his ex girlfriend has now begun working with him in the same department (they have always worked at the same company but just different departments). Although they work together they dont actually work physically with each other. They are IT guys and work in separate places but communicate online/by phone to help each other with problems etc. So recently they have had to communicate with each other, which is fine! But now its starting to overstep the line (in my opinion).
I have noticed he talks to her in the evenings because I have caught him shutting down whatsapp when i look over his shoulder and I've also seen that he talks to her on weekends (because I looked at his phone yesterday..but I'll get to that in a minute).
He has always said to me that they only talk about work which would be fine! But he has been lying about that part for sure. I know this because he told me that she was thinking about breaking up with her own bf (which she has now done) and that kind of stuff is not work based, is it?
Its also worrying because she quite clearly wants him back. I know this, for one, the bf has told me she has voiced how she regrets she ruined their relationship. Secondly, she doesn't even want me to exist! She doesn't even know me but she has blocked me on every single social media site possible! Haha!
I have quite clearly voiced my concerns to him before.. that he continues to message her loads and is giving her the attention she wants (leading her on as well as upsetting me), and he got really angry that I brought it up! Although he did seem to be understanding in the end.
Now the reason I'm worrying more-so now is because a month back or so, I was using his phone for some reason and his step dad messaged and he asked me to message him back cause he was driving. Now usually I can see her name pop up on whatsapp because they talk every day, but this time...the messages had gone! He had archived the chat! I spoke to him about this and he said he deleted messages because they were talking about things "i wouldnt have liked"....what!? So since then I have been unusually paranoid and have even gone to the extent of checking his phone last night. I am not proud of this, this isn't something I would usually do. But I did it.
Anyway, I noticed that messages had been flowing through evenings and weekends! They aren't romantic messages but very friendly. I spent all day with him Saturday, even took him on a date night, and I find they were messaging the whole day!!?? If it was pure friendship he would surely mention what a lovely day he was having with me...but nothing, just all about them two. It also must have been very secretive because I didnt even see him use his phone during the day, so must have been quickly messaging when my back was turned! I even noticed he had sent a selfie of him a few days ago, showing off his newly grown beard (which she was very complimentary of). So yeah, definitely just a working relationship then.
Now I know I need to confront him about this, but I am hugely in the wrong for looking at his phone in the first place!? What do I do!?
I know I cant be angry about a friendship.. but since I know they started as friends before they got together last time, how do I know he wont go back there! I'm starting to lose trust because of all the secretiveness. I 100% know he is not having physical affair but surely he is the crossing the line of an emotional affair? He hardly talks to me about his day anymore because he is putting all of his energy into talking to her all the time! Help me! I need advice and opinions.
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Relationships
Emotional affair with his ex girlfriend? (And work colleague)
Anxiety100 · 05/12/2017 12:58
So sorry that they're being so selfish and that you're going through this.
My advise is that he is interested in her, he's hiding the messages, he's messaging in secret and lying.
That is more than enough to show you where his head is and it's not with you.
Seriously think about if this is what you want, would you be able to walk away?
It's really shitty and I'm sorry 
What a horrible thing to say about her.
You're not a very nice person - so my sympathy for him cheating on you is pretty low.
Why not imagine her telling people "yeah, she didn't really have much personality - he told me he kept it quiet about dating her because she was a bit dull".
He's lying to you about the nature of his contact with her.
And he dates women but keeps it a secret if they're not pretty enough 
You have a similar opinion of her worthiness to date, so maybe you're in the same arsehole league as him and quite well suited after all?
He's a freaking coward and life is SO SHORT to be spent in shitty relationships
Give him and ultimatum.
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Wow you sound delightful
No matter how "gross" you deem her to be, she can't be that bad if she's his ex. The fact she seems to be able to meet his emotional needs where you can't would be a big red flag to me.
Whether you admit to snooping or not, I suspect he'll become a whole lot more secretive anyway, so you're probably best off just having it out with him and getting all your concerns out in the open now.
In all honesty he sounds absolutely awful what with cheating and dumping his ex for you and all the comments about appearance, so it'll probably be a blessing in disguise if he does dump you.
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