Hello everyone. I'm 20 weeks pregnant on Thursday (also my birthday, urgh) and was left by my partner at 17 weeks.
I have two children from a previous relationship that are 6 and 8, I spent two years alone after that breakup before meeting my new partner who I fell pregnant with about 20 months after meeting. I'm 34.
This was a very wanted baby and something we had discussed a lot. He came along sooner than anticipated but we were still happy. I work three days a week and was actually looking for new work at the time so thank god I never left!!
So the whole relationship has spiralled in this last few months. It might be easy to assume he's had some crisis of confidence but it's not the case. He's decided we're too different and that's why we don't get along now, that it's never going to work long term so it's better to end it now. I know he's low about it, and has sought counselling, however he says he's doing it because he's concerned that he doesn't feel any emotion over what he's done!! At the same time I have had to explain to friends, other parents, family, colleagues, doctors, midwives, the father of my first two children and gut wrechingly my children, that I have been left to raise a baby alone. I am devasted, heartbroken, my children are heartbroken and understandly lashing out a little as they're so confused, and I feel this tremendous shame to be in such a position.
It just doesn't feel a good enough reason to walk away from us all, to be so resolute. We are not an aggressive couple, we just have our differences, and whilst I am already so in love with this baby I feel if these differences were THAT vast, he could have naturally come to this conclusion before there was a baby involved, before I was left alone, to raise three children by two different fathers.
This is his first child, and from the moment he left he's insisted 'I still want the baby! I'll do what I can to support you!' I feel like he's jumped twelve steps. I still have 4.5 months of growing this little lad and I feel he's happy to miss all that then swan back when he's here. I don't even know how that can happen. How any of this could.
I feel overwhelmingly sad, angry, helpless and ashamed of myself. I want to hate him and yet three weeks ago I was in love with him. I am on a list for counselling, they're trying to get me in before Christmas.
I have lovely friends and family though many are far away. He has moved back to his dads and has three siblings on the doorstep or in the house. I think perhaps I was never liked, as not one of them has told him to work at this over walking away. It's just all unfathomable to me. Everyone just keeps saying 'oh you'll be fine! You're so strong!' I don't want to be strong. I wanted to be loved and looked after.
He has been very cold, it's like he realises what he's doing but I can't possibly see how he can. The gravitas of this is huge and naturally, right before sodding Christmas.
The worst element of this is that I just wanted a secure family, and genuinely felt I had it all sewn up. I thought I had it all. Now I am bitter and full of resentment and my face hurts everyday from crying.
I have my own home and car and will learn to be solely independent again as I was before. I don't have a great deal of money but I know I have enough and I'm fortunate for that, it's something I worked damn hard for after I left my ex, who was dreadful with money and forever racking up debts.
I don't know how I'll cope getting 2 children to school with a baby every day, alone. And I honestly feel I will never fall in love again, that I'll never meet someone again now that would want to do right by us all. I don't think I could bring someone else into the fold again now anyway. He will go off and have more children and make a future with someone else though I've no doubt. Give someone else everything they need.
This is two men that have let my children down now and they are the BEST kids. I am so so so sorry to them. I wonder how it will affect them or has, what sort of concept they will have of love. I don't know what sort of man leaves a pregnant woman alone with all of this.
Please everyone, I would love your thoughts and advice. Every day is a mental struggle and there's so much to do. I'm just all over the place xxx