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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Really upset as friend has blabbed my news...

20 replies

mad4girls · 19/04/2007 20:48

cant believe i only told dp and 2 v. close friends A and B, that i am pregnanat,1 of whom i know didnt blab due to her being in a different circle of friends.

someone ive not seen for a while was in the docs today and said, so and so says ur in the baby way already.

i havent told the so and so, i was pregnant so i no she must have heard it from A im now really upset because if so and so knows then everyone knows, and feel so mad that she just thought that my saying i absolutely didnt want any single person to know (due to kids and family not knowing yet and 2 previous mc's)and the day i told her i hadnt even told dp.(i thought thats how close we were) stupid me hey

my friend B says dont worry what they think at least your pregnant, happy etc

but that seems to be beside the point it wasnt her news to spread and im really hurt that she went against my wishes, and deliberately told the one person i didnt want to know (we fell out about a yr ago and didnt want the pressure of everyone knowing)

now i dont know what to do as havent confronted friend A and dont know whether just to leave it as i know as soon as i say soemthing we probably wont speak for 6 mths or more, i just cant beleive she blabbed even though she knbew dp didnt know, we shared so much. both our eldest only have days between, and 6 wks between 2nd kids and she is already 24 wks so i was really xcited to be sharing it with her again, she was horrible when i told i got a bfp as well she acted like i was telling her i had just nipped to asda!!

sorry for long post but really hurt any advice is greatly appreciated

OP posts:
thirtysomething · 19/04/2007 20:53

I think you have every right to be furious. It's your news to choose as and when to tell, not hers! She sounds very insensitive (and perhaps a tad jealous or self-absorbed, given her reaction to the news?). If she's not a really close friend I would suggest giving her a very wide berth and reducing how much you see her as you don't need people upsetting you when you're pregnant. And congratulations by the way!

paros · 19/04/2007 21:11

A so called friend did this to me . I telephoned her up and bawled her out over the phone . She tried speaking to me at a toddler group I bawled her out again . She knew it was my news to tell . She knew she was in the wrong and I have never spoken to her since ,8years on . Do what makes you feel better .She was totally in the wrong spitefull cow .

paros · 19/04/2007 21:11

Ps congratulations .

Katy44 · 19/04/2007 21:14

Are you absolutely certain this person heard it from your friend? Rather than just guessing as you were in the doctors.
It was probably obvious from the way she said it, but just thought I'd check!
Congratulations by the way

Carmenere · 19/04/2007 21:15

She was wrong but I doubt she did it to be spiteful, much more likely that she was happy and excited for you. You are possibly a little over emotional because you are pregnant too you know(and I can say that because I don't know you).
I would advise that you confront her and then accept her apology, you can't undo it know and holding on to the upset won't do anyone any good.

mad4girls · 19/04/2007 21:55

thanx for the advice guys, i do think that my friend has told becuse, i already suspected as the friend i specifically didnt want to know was being really nice to me and also tried to make out she was 5 wks late in the hopes i would divulge my news (which she already knew) iyswim

anyway not sure if ill say anything or not just had a long moan with another friend, on the phone which made me feel loads better but still hurts that she didthis by the time i tell anyone they wont be interested as it will be old news.

i just wanted some nice congratulations (from you guys was great by the way)as she had been so miserable when i told her and i know my family also will not be impressed so dont think ill be getting a huge congrats from them either.

ooh well thanx for words of support and advice will let you know what happens

OP posts:
pirategirl · 19/04/2007 22:00

sorry but she doesnt sound like a friend to me.

it sounds as tho you wuold never do that to her, form the way you write, and she doesnt deserve your trust, well she didnt act on it did she.

its up to you, but if you have a history of her not being a good friend, ie one you can rely on and trust, then she's not worth the effort. Or the hurt.
x

mad4girls · 19/04/2007 22:32

your probabaly right pirategirl as although not regularly she has let me down before twice i think but on reaqlly serious things

1 instance springs to mind where she took it upon herself to send my ex a slagging e mail which contained things noone else was supposed to know, this caused an awful lot of trouble between dp and i ( my x ran off with my bf and i am no with bf x) so it pissed my x off causing him to prevent my dp from seeing his kids if u can make any sense of that, and dp still believes it was me that sent the email to stir up trouble but it wasnt, that was about 3 yrs ago and we didnt speak for 9 mths

but more fool me hey for being so trusting im so stupid to think ppl might actuly want to be my friend for a nice reason

oh well least i have some true friends to rely thanx for listening

OP posts:
3inabed · 20/04/2007 00:23

you have already stated on one of you other posts that you have told 5 friends

"mad4girls on Wed 18-Apr-07 10:25:40
morning ladies

thanx for your kind words of support its nice to know i have someone to talk to if needed

bambino -sorry to hear about infection hopefully all will be well

mrs darcy- hope your feeling better about pg today, also thanx for ideas on the books for older children might get that for my d's

fif-i am also guilty of buying some maternity wear already as it was in the sale, i already have maternity underwear i bought in a sale about a yr ago havent dared try them on yet though(keep thinking im going to jinx everything)

i am also finding it hard not to spread the news especially when i keep havingto dash out of my computer class to be sick. have told dp and about 5 friends but bursting to tell others althoug i know my mum,grandma and aunty(were very close) will give a long lecture and wont be impressed,

so not looking forward to telling them hence im waiting til about 10wks after scan and same with kids when we have a pic then will tell them

feeling better today, yesterday kept being sick most of the day. but today had me once this morning and seem okish now (quickly touches wood)

just at colege now so need to do some work will come back on later today

taake care all have a good day "

so how can you be sure its friend A???

as for her reaction to you news you say shes pg as well so she may hav been feeling run down too and not in a jolly mood

warthog · 20/04/2007 02:07

sorry, but you KNOW she doesn't keep confidences because she sent your ex an email. so i absolutely wouldn't ever tell her anything important that you want to be kept quiet ever again. i know i'm being harsh, but you knew what she was like when you told her.

SittingBull · 20/04/2007 06:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mad4girls · 20/04/2007 22:04

hi guys

thanx guys for all your support and advice, and for replying to my post was feeling really low yesterday and sharing it with ppl really helped

3inbed- my post should have said 5 ppl including dp but its not alot of difference really, and being as 2 of them live in scotland, and the other person i tolds dc doesnt go to the same school as my dd's and this is where it was told, i think that rules them out.

maybe u should find something more interesting to do than finding fault with other ppls innocent posts, was just looking for someone to chat to maybe get advice or support- not hassel

as for everyone else thankyou for taking the time to read and reply to this post many thanx

OP posts:
BabyMadwithBump · 21/04/2007 00:36

Let me formerly introduce myself I am "Babymad" also "FRIEND A"! now that we've got that out the way, let me just say everything is not that black and white, I HAVE NOT TOLD F-ING NO BODY, our friend (P) as been asked all week by parents from school weather you are PG and she has said "don't know quite possible" so that would explain why people know, or think they know, without me saying anything to nobody! So get your facts right before you start something that I know you can not finish. And you can even ask friend P about this your self! MAKE MY DAY! Also you told me that you told, Me, Fiona AND Tracey, and like "3inabed" pointed out you said 5 people on another tread, so which is it 2-3-5 friends that know????

And as for not congratulating you, it's one of them things that friends would know automatically that their friend would be pleased for them without saying it, I've had a lot on my mind, I've had a lot of up's and down's with my own PG not to mention the scares I've had with this baby and one only this week and was told by my MW that I was to rest up, then to find out the a RLF is slaging me off on the only thing I've been able to get good support and salvation MN. And with you not telling DP I couldn't exactly send a card or everything due to not knowing weather you had told DP yet, you didn't tell me for 2 weeks that you had told him, by that point I was also tired/feeling feed up with my own PG, I've made no secret that I've not been enjoying this PG not for one moment, and you've shown no sign of being overjoyed with your own anyway and due to being busy we've not chatted about it, so I didn't know weather it was a touches subject after what happen last time with PG and DP (lets not go there) and we couldn't exactly talk at school because of ears as you dont want people knowing your PG and I respected that. Yes we did fall out last year and I really don't what to go over old ground but that was down to you and your bad mouthing and temper, behind us falling out in the first place.

Oh and lets not mention how you were slagging my mother off at the local market a few weeks back, when I was trying to get to see my brothers and sister, but you felt so bad, that I said it was alright when in fact it wasn't and could of resulted me being unable to see my brothers for another year, oh well lets not mention THAT!

Don't forget you sent A NASTY email to your ex-DH/ex-BF from my email address from my computer, no you didn't mind doing that, which in turn got US in a load of SH*T. How many time does the person that did send THAT EMAIL (you have mention which I'm sure MNers don't want to know the contents as it would be very embarrassing on your behalf) to your ex-DH have to tell you IT WAS HIM, NO you just want to pin something on me, when in fact I've been nothing more than supportive and at the other end of a phone when ever you've needed me, AND WHO WAS THE ONLY PERSON THERE FOR YOU WHEN DH LEFT YOU? Who feed you and your kids when you had no money to do so? Who has given you support, advice, TTC equipment, books. got you your O-tests (as you didn't want DP to know ) and so on and so on, when trying TC? Who has been there listening to you for hours and hours going on and on about EX-DH? ME that's who! Well not no more not after this!

I DID NOT TELL NO ONE NOTHING BUT YOU'LL BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE ANYWAY, GET ON WITH IT! Oh and why not ask me instend of going "all about the house's about it" IE, friends and MN, why not just ask me?

This is childish, I'm not getting into no more confrontations with you, we'll just stay out of each others way, I've had enough, you obviously don't trust me so friendship has ended, get on with it!

oxocube · 21/04/2007 06:14

how bizarre

belgo · 21/04/2007 06:23

'I DID NOT TELL NO ONE NOTHING'

I had to think about that one.

ssd · 21/04/2007 07:23

is this for real?

you 2 know each other?

nightmare!

BabyMadwithBump · 21/04/2007 09:33

I just want to make an analogue to people that feel they got in the middle of this and Mumsnet it self. It was never my intention to post in the first place but felt so upset and felt compelled to in the end. I will not be getting into any confrontation with mad4girls either on here, which I know is not a suitable place or anywhere else, the matter has closed in my eyes, I will not be reading any more new posts which in turn will not be replaying either!

Please except my apologue!

Babymad

willow2 · 21/04/2007 12:40

Jeremy Kyle, where are you?

ssd · 21/04/2007 14:37
Grin
mad4girls · 21/04/2007 15:01

i just wanted to echo what babymad has already said this issue should not have been brought on to MN

and we wont be disscussing the issue further on here in future we will settle or differences in private, i appologise for causing an argument this post was only intended to get advice aqnd support not cause a riot

thanx for all replies and thoughts

mad4girls

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