I've posted on here before several times about various things but changed my name for this one.
I've been with my partner since last August. At first, his ex wife tried to "warn me" about him and said he was only with me because he couldn't stand being alone. Before I go any further I want to clarify that my partner is slightly brain damaged and physically disabled (not drastically, can get about using a crutch and has been working till a few weeks ago - signed as unfit for work) the brain damage is very very minimal and to be honest, you wouldn't really know unless you spent a hell of a lot of time with him. He's forgetful and gets confused sometimes, also seems quite gullible/naive. This is as a result of a car crash a few years ago. He has 4 kids with his ex wife. After a few months of dating he left his Facebook logged in on my phone. I had just had this "warning" from his ex and I was a bit paranoid so I looked at his inbox (I know I know) I found messages from hi ex girlfriend (a few months before me) saying she was reporting him to the police for sexual assault and she was going to ruin his life and make sure he never sees his kids again. (These were sent in the August so when we first started dating) anyway, he replied with "but I never touched you, I came to get my stuff, you tried it and I rejected you and you can't handle it" she messaged him back saying that the police would believe her over him because she would make it convincing!! He replied calling her a liar again. He kind of told me about this but not to the extent and not at the time. He said he had been called in for questioning by the police and it had been dropped (he told me this not long after I read the messages). I think it's pretty evident from the messages that she was making it up. I have no doubts that he wouldn't hurt a fly. His ex girlfriend is friends with his ex wife which is a bit weird. Anyway. We've moved in together and are expecting a baby soon. Everything feels perfect. We have a few financial difficulties because of him no longer being able to work and me being on maternity leave but it's getting sorted, just takes time.
Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because I've woken up this morning and I haven't registered any emotional response whilst looking at my partner. I know it's sounds mad but everything was perfect yesterday (he treats me like a queen, very loving, affectionate, proper gent) we never argue etc. I don't know what's going on today but I've woke up thinking (when something seems too good to be true it probably is).
I have OCD, Anxiety and recently been diagnosed with antenatal depression. I'm not taking medication out of choice, which has been a struggle but want to remain medication free since being pregnant. I've woken up feeling completely lost and disconnected from everything and everyone today and I'm worried that if this continues I'm gonna say something that I'll regret. Has anyone ever felt like this? I can't even spend time with him today I feel really resentful of him and I have no idea why?